What does it mean to “Remember who you are?” Discover the story of a bereaved mother, Christina Hines, who remembers who she is.
I believe that we are all coming home to ourselves in this life because we have amnesia and have forgotten who we really are. By coming home to ourselves, we remember how to nurture ourselves as our own mother or father. As we become adults, and we move out of our parent’s home, who else is going to do this but us?
1) To remember that we are spiritual beings, having a physical, human experience, of living in a body, forgetting our wisdom, learning lessons, and ultimately coming home to the understanding of who we are.
2) We are worthy and deserving beings no matter appearances to the contrary (the Creator doesn’t make junk).
3) We come from a lineage of brave, worthy ancestors. Think the Lion King, Mufasa, reminding his son, Simba, “You are my son and the one true king…remember who you are.”
However we decide to interpret “Remember who you are,” the key point is when life feels heavy, when we doubt if we are enough, if we did enough for the day to feel worthy, to remember:
“I am enough. I don’t need to take my life so seriously and worry so much about all the ways I failed and will fail. If I never accomplish ONE more thing on this planet, it will be enough….because I remember who I am.”
Here is the story of a fellow bereaved mother, Christina Hines, who lost her daughter, Taylor, when she was 22 years old, to suicide. Christina had been out of the country in Africa, and it took her 3 days to get back to her daughter after she learned of her death. She has lived with tremendous guilt, which always makes grieving so much harder.
It’s been 7 years since Taylor has been gone, and Christina is beginning to feel more like a whole person again. She’s beginning to remember who she is, her true essence.
“I’ve embodied the grieving mother for the exact time that I needed to learn to love my daughter as she is in heaven. For the first time in almost 7 years, I know that I’m finally ok in my life. It’s hard for a grieving mother to say that.
So many parents would say that they would never be okay. I healed through grieving. I’ll keep the grief of missing her. But, life is with the living and there are more people on this earth for me to love here and now.
I love that I traveled to my past, to my timeline, and I remembered myself at my strongest in my life, when I felt my best. Loud and laughing kids and visitors, and my children Taylor and Tommy, husband, Justin, and the pain-in-the-ass miracle working dogs.
Maybe I endured the hardest things in life, but I only remember that our family felt lived together and safe. I lived the mother archetype, the provider, the advocate, the mediator, and more.
As I reflected on our lives together, I thought Taylor must have been supporting me, but it was the other way around. I cared for almost her every need. I lived an exhausting and painful experience while I managed a team at work and grew quickly into a trusted source to the owner of my company.
Teenagers in the basement with my son, Tommy, ignored me as they gamed, growing away from the dependence on mom. I still ran campaigns for food and clothing drives, canvassing for ballot measures. I exemplified the importance of trash cleanup. I did that alone. I held my household together; they didn’t hold me together.
I love that I remember who I am and that I created the support network that my family all enjoyed. My family was my supportive nest, but I never lost sight of my own autonomy, needs and desires.
There is a distortion that happens when a child or loved one dies, that we lose ourselves. The blinders finally fell to my feet. I see myself now, and nothing can stop me because I did not die. I do not need to create a new life, a new plan, and I’m not a new person. I just needed to remember who I am. Why does the Lion King need to be right? Remember who you are.
I felt a ruthless love inside me during those years. I used my big voice to love those who needed it most. I welcomed my children and husband into the world of advocacy, and I could not have cared less what anyone thought of me at the time.
My family provided my safety as I had their physical bodies to love. We struggled together and I showed them how a person can affect change no matter who they are. I wanted them to know that they could speak and act for others, too.
I think of my friend Chuck, my sister, nanny, and my mom. They all helped me with my kids; they all met me for lunch or shopped with me, loved me. They all four died after Taylor. But, at my strongest point, they didn’t do anything to support me in the projects I managed. They didn’t create the person I am; I have proven to myself that I can exist outside of their presence.
There are a few people in my life who never believed I could grow. They left me, remembering me as the broken, grieving mother. I lost so many friends and family members along the way as my pain became too much for too long for them to handle. And when I did start to get better, some people didn’t believe me and they left too. And that’s OK because at the end of the day, I’m not responsible for how others choose to see me.
No one could save me. I saved myself. The strong mother that is me picked me up. I finally love myself for finding the courage to trust the process, find gratitude, grace, forgiveness, and meaning.”
Christina’s is a beautiful story of coming home to herself. Even when Taylor was alive, she tried to hold life together for her family, taking over-responsibility, feeling stretched thin. She did her best to have a positive impact.
However, when Taylor died, she carried a lot of pain that she wasn’t able to shake off quickly enough and so she lost friends and family. She realizes that since she is still alive, she’s going to live life fully. She is going to mother herself, to come home to herself, to remember who she is.
We all need to remember who we are and come home to ourselves. I have always known that I need to be loyal to myself, to not berate or condemn myself, but putting it into action is an entirely different story. Nowadays, I remind myself often, “I got you. I love you.”
We all have this hurting little inner child who needs to grieve for what can no longer be. If our inner child could speak to others, she might say something like this.
“Be gentle with my heart and soul. I feel fragile and sensitive. I’ve been really hurt. Take care of me. I’m always doing for others. But NOW I need support and love and understanding. I need to know that you won’t leave and reject me if I don’t do as you want me to do. I don’t want to have to earn your love and approval. Love me unconditionally. Role model for me that you will STAY by my side and have my back even if I’m not a ‘good girl.’
You see, I’ve been taught that I’m not pretty enough, not lovable enough, and unworthy of your love (dad, mom, other authority) unless I perform. I’m smart and sensitive and I see things others don’t. This doesn’t make me bad or wrong. This doesn’t mean I should be gaslighted and meant to feel crazy.
I’ve been handing over my power to everyone my entire life, expecting the perfect coach/therapist to fix me. To love me. I try really hard to not disappoint others so that they’ll stay. My little girl just wants them to love me as I am. But I’ve been seeking solutions in the wrong area. I’ve been expecting them to rescue me from ME.
I haven’t learned how to be here for myself. I’ve abandoned me. I defend myself to others when criticized because a part of me has always believed that I’m not good enough, and that I SHOULD be ashamed of my essence, of my core beingness.
Because my protectors (parents, etc.) didn’t feel safe to me for whatever reason (maybe lack of emotional nurturing or connection to downright abuse), rather than make them wrong, I turned against myself. THEY couldn’t be wrong because who would take care of me if my caregivers were broken?
I want to be loyal to myself, to hear my own voice and whisperings of what is right for me. I want to stop giving away my sovereignty to others ,’Are you my guru?’
I love that I have a heart of gold and now I need to pair it with a stomach and nervous system of steel. I want to be able to stop defending myself so fiercely to others, not because they are right about my not enoughness, but because I know who I am and have no need to use my energy for this defense.
My self-defense is proof that I don’t trust myself and will betray myself as soon as I feel unfairly attacked by another. This is because on a deep level I believe they are right, that I need to hide my shameful believing that I’m bad or wrong.”
By creating this environment of being loyal and true to ourself first, we can reap the following benefits:
If you can relate to what I’ve said, I invite you to play another game, one that helps you to see that you are LOVABLE and ENOUGH. Schedule time to chat with me below. Let me help you remember who you are.
Much Love,
Angie Monko,
Life Coach/Energy Healer
Work with a coach to unlock personal and professional potential.
We’re here to help others get better so they can live freely without regret Believing we’ve each got one life, it’s better to live it well and the time to start is now If you’re someone who believes change begins with you, you’re one of us We’re working to inspire action, enable completion, knowing that, as Thoreau so perfectly put it “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” Let us help you invest in yourself and bring it all together.
Feed your life-long learner by enrolling in one of our courses.
Invest in yourself and bring it all together by working with one of our coaches.
