Relationships Podcast Post

Values and Beliefs

George Grombacher December 22, 2022

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Values and Beliefs

In this episode, George talks about how values and beliefs make up who you are, how your behaviors are the physical expression of that, and why it’s so important to pay attention to your emotional wake. 


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George Grombacher

Episode Transcript

george grombacher 0:15
Merry Christmas. So showing up is hard. It’s, it’s not easy to, to literally just show up to things consistently, it’s tough to, to pull ourselves out of bed in the morning and to, to do all the things that need to be done. And there’s a constant stream of new things that need to be done and emergencies that pop up. And it’s just, it’s, it’s, it’s a lot. And self awareness is also very, very hard. So while we are doing the things that we need to be doing, while I’m doing the things that I need to be doing, if I’m to be the person that that I want to be, and to have the impact that I want to have, I need to be aware of the impact that I’m having on others. So I need to be aware of the emotional wake, that I’m leaving behind me, right? You’re familiar with boats, you’ve been on a boat, then, in a harbor of some kind, there are no wake zones, where you’re not supposed to blow through at 50 miles an hour on your boat, because you’re going to ruin everybody else’s day, and leave a huge wake. And so so it goes for you and I and in our lives, you know, people that are completely oblivious, they have no self awareness whatsoever. They do not know they don’t care, they are unconsciously incompetent, and just leave wake everywhere they go, they leave a wake of destruction, in every human interaction that that they have, we’re all aware of these people. And life is not game of perfect, I do my best to be aware to be mindful and thoughtful, and all the foals of the impact that I’m having on those around me. And on the impact that the words that I choose have, the impact of my writing has everything that I do, I try to think it all the way through. So self awareness, it’s hard. But we can do hard things. I do hard things every day, you do hard things every day. So we can do that. And I advocate that you and I spend more time than we are picky about these things. And this is as much for me more so for me than it is for other people. So I’m not by no means might wagging my finger at you, dear listener insane, you need to be doing a better job of this. And you should be doing this. And you should stop doing that. That’s not what I’m interested in doing. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m advocating and encouraging you, as I do myself to be more mindful, be more thoughtful, spend a little bit more time thinking about the impact that I’m having on other people. And here we are Merry Christmas. This has been released on Christmas Eve because I want because it’s time of the year whether you celebrate Christmas or you doubt that we’re around people were round of families, our loved ones, it’s time off. So it’s a time to be reflective. And it’s a time to make sure that we’re not being the person at the dinner table or whatever it might be, who is just blowing everything up. And again, not easy. There’s wonderful quote from rom das famously said, if you think you’re enlightened, go and spend a week with your family and let me know how that goes. So again, I I have been trying to be a better meditator since 2015. And to not be so easily upset and all that. So again, as much for me as it is for everybody else who is listening. So you already know this, but I think it’s really worth repeating that men are in order to be self aware. I need to know who it is that that that I am and when I’m clear on who I am, when I’m clear on the person that I want to be so this ideal version of me. What is the ideal version of you? And then it’s a function of how close am I getting to that consistently. And some days I’m going to hit it out of the park. Nail it. Other days are going to come up short, fine. The whole idea is that I’m consistently striving. And I’m consistently trying to live up to that version of myself that I think is highest and best to be that version of me to get closer to it consistently, and no better time to test that than the holidays when we’re around stressful environments, or around our, with ourselves, when we’re with our partners, when we’re with our kids, or with our in laws and everybody else. So I think it’s just a really, really, really important thing. So who are you? Who am I, you are your beliefs, our beliefs equal who we are. And your beliefs are your operating system. So it’s what you believe, is true. And plus our values. So our beliefs plus our values, that’s essentially who you are, as a human being. So your beliefs are your operating system. Just like we have just like our telephones have an operating system, it’s constantly running in the background 24/7. And it’s making a lot of decisions on our behalf, right? Because we’re, I mean, we make like 36,000 decisions a day, which comes down to hundreds every minute. And if I had to consciously make those, it just wouldn’t work, I just, I’d freeze up, I wouldn’t physically be able to mentally be able to consciously make all the decisions which are required on a daily basis. So our operating system is doing that on our behalf. It’s just constantly running in the background. So where did these beliefs come from? Well, they came or were given to you through your DNA, I think that’s very much true through your nature, you are the way that you are because of your DNA. So thank you, thank you folks. Think your folks folks and your folks, folks, folks, and on and on and on. And that just is what it is. And more. So it’s again, you’re going to be thanking your folks or wanting to punch them in the face. Because the majority of you beliefs were given to you between the ages of birth and rods seven years old. So the way you feel about everything in your life is because of your experiences, from birth to around age seven. So your feelings about money? Well, it’s informed by how you observed your parents reacting and dealing with money, relationships, politics, everything, all of these things were downloaded to you were given to you between the age of zero, and seven. Now, more often than not, if you were to Google beliefs, everything would be how do I overcome or get over limiting beliefs or negative beliefs, you probably don’t need to spend a lot of time questioning or wondering why I have all these wonderful beliefs. If you’re a person who thinks you know what I am capable of doing everything that I want, or anything that I want, I’m going to be a healthy, strong person, I’m great with money, have great successful relationships, all of these things, it’s possible that you are a narcissist or a psychopath or sociopath, which, in a lot of ways, obviously, those are negative things. But there are benefits to those things because you are not encumbered by negative or limiting beliefs. The rest of us, people like me, probably people like you, we have limiting beliefs. We may be thankful, I’m just not good with money. Or, you know what, I’m just, I’m not destined for success. That’s, that’s, that’s, that’s not for me. And again, in every aspect of life, you can look at points, okay? And wonder why I’m thinking the way that I do or why I’m consistently acting the way that I’m acting, or why I consistently do the same thing over and over again, and apparently, I’m expecting a different result. It’s because of childhood experiences, things that were given to you through experiences and observations from again, zero to age seven. So the work is to really figure out what that is, what those beliefs are. Good news is, is if you discover that you have negative or limiting beliefs, you can identify them and then work to address them and overcome them and replace the negative or limiting ones with positive or beneficial beliefs. So that is the good news about that whole neuroplasticity brain thing to everything wires together. So if you’re not familiar with that, I encourage you to spend a little bit of time and dig in Do that and research because it’s a is it fascinating or a it is fascinating but also be

very, very valuable. I can all but guarantee that every minute that you spend investigating, the way that your operating system works is a massive investment in your future that will pay dividends to you for a really, really, really long time. And values the second half of really who you are. That’s, that’s really how you view the world. It’s the lens through which you view the world and how you decide to place a worth on different things. You may be believe that experiences are more valuable or more have a higher worth than physical things. Or the opposite. Maybe you’re a techy person and you want the latest gear, you want the latest device. And that’s way more important than you then like going on a vacation or going out to dinner I don’t. These are all value decisions that we internalize make decisions on our own. And then they inform how we allocate our most important resources, what you spend your time on what you spend your money on what you give your attention to, what you’re willing to and excited to to spend energy on. So the more clear we can get on what our values are, then obviously, the happier that we’re going to be. And the closer we’re going to get to actually getting what we want. If we are rudderless, and we don’t spend any time thinking about what our beliefs are, we’re just sort of doing what we do, getting what we got, and we’re not clear on on what is most important to us what our priorities are? Well, I just I do not think we’re going to get a very, very small chance of actually getting what it is that you really want. So just like with the beliefs, every minute that you spent thinking about, I believe that this is more important than that. This is these are the things that I’m more interested in spending my time attention and money on than those. I think that that is an absolutely huge investment in your future. And therefore then our behaviors are the physical manifestation representation of who we are. And your behaviors, what you do, speaks volumes more than than what we actually say. And we know that that’s true, you know that that’s true. So this person is saying this, but they’re doing that, essentially speaking out of both sides of their mouth, they’re saying one thing, but they’re doing something that is completely the opposite. And this is something that I’m guilty of something that we are all guilty of. So that’s the whole thing. Once I know, this is the version of me, this is who I want to be. Now, when I grow up, whatever is the human being, I’m interested in being that deal version of myself, well, how close to that? Am I? Are my behaviors aligned to that version of me? If I play it out, and just keep doing what I’m doing, what is that guaranteed to get me? Is it gonna get me that thing that I want? Is it going to be is doing what I’m doing? Will that result in what I want? Yes, no, maybe. So this, like the other couple of things. Every minute that you spent thinking about that put pen to paper, I think it’d be a massive investment in your future. So what does this have to do with what I’ve been, you know, sort of started talking about? Does any of this make sense? So are these the ramblings of a crazy person? Maybe. But no, I don’t think so. The whole thing is whether or not you yourself, have children. There probably are some children in your life. And I want you to be super mindful, super thoughtful. Think about pay attention to what you’re doing, how that’s going to impact them. That’s what I’m getting at here. In a very roundabout way. That’s been really that roundabout, I feel like it’s been fairly direct path. Because you are having an impact on them. They’re watching you. They’re observing you. They’re watching what you do. They’re watching how you act with others how you treat other people are watching how you treat your spouse, how you treat people that you encounter that are strangers, everything that you’re doing that They are absorbing, and it is creating their operating system. You are imprinting on young people, beliefs, their beliefs. So if your beliefs are crap, you’re going to give your kids or your brother’s kids or whoever’s kids, you are going to damage them. Heavy, but true. Speaking of heavy heavy is the head that wears the crown. So now that you know, I want you to take it really seriously. And I don’t want you to walk on eggshells. I’m not saying that. Not saying parse out every single word. But just be aware that young, impressionable minds are are around and paying close attention to you. So we, me, me, I am bothered by the problems in the world. I’m bothered by things that I believe to be unjust, and bothered by the direction of lots of things. I’m also wise enough to know, thanks to Jack Kornfield, that I must tend to the part of my garden that I can reach. And the same is true for you. If you are frustrated and bothered by things that you see in the world that you’re not happy with? Well, one clear thing that you have absolute control over is paying attention to your emotional wake. You think, oh, that’s not that big of a deal. But it is. It’s a really big deal. And if we all did that, if we were better stewards of the impact we were having on others, if we did a more thorough job of exploring who it is that we that we are, that we want to be. And by evidencing and through our behavior, given evidence, the world. It’s possible. I have done the work, I’ve taken the time to think about what I want the person I want to be. And I’m showing everybody, I’m an example. I’m a leader, I’m the shining example. That’s a big deal. And you’ve done your work. You’ve done a good job. And it’s Christmas, for goodness sakes. And we’re talking about kids. Is that worth that? The answer is is of course, yes. So be self aware. I know it’s hard. I know life is hard. But you can do hard things. The only way to live how you want is to know how you want to live. The only way to be the person that you want to be is to know the kind of person that you want to be. How does that person act? How do you allocate spend your most important resource of time, attention and money? And are you evidence to the world of those things? Are you an example you are whether or not you’re a good example that remains to be seen. Same goes for me. Merry Christmas, everybody. Remember, you do your part by doing your best

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