Overcoming Limiting Beliefs with Kelly Ruta

Come on

one level this is George G and the time is right welcome today’s guest strong Apollo for Kelly Ruta Kelly, are you ready to do this? I’m so ready, George. Let’s do this. Let’s go. Kelly is a former clinical psychotherapist helping to facilitate massive psychological breakthroughs and fundamental skill building. She’s a CEO of Kelly route International, and a co develop strategist, Kelly, tell us a little about your personal life’s more about your work and why you do what you do.

Kelly Ruta 0:40
Oh, I appreciate you asking about the personal stuff. Because I think sometimes we forget about that, right? So first and foremost, Mom, I have two teenage boys 18 and 15. Not a I don’t think I have to expand on that. Anybody who has them knows, that’s pretty much speaks for itself.

I’ve been with my husband 22 years, I was a clinical psychotherapist for 20 years and seven years ago, I left what I thought was going to be a lifelong career to serve in a bigger, better way, I saw a huge gap in the online space for people doing real actual expert science based personal development work in the business building world. So it made a leap of faith. And here I am seven years later happy and really grateful that I made that leap. But the flip side, right, George, as there always is the flip side is that, you know, you run into people on social media, you run into people, you know, on video, or whatever, and you get a snapshot. But the truth is I’ve had PTSD and mental health challenges my entire adult life. I also have a chronic, acute, incurable illness, physical illness that I deal with every single day. And you would know that by looking at me or just kind of bumping into me at an event. But this is the truth of what goes on behind the curtain for a lot of business owners, and it’s part of what drives my work.

george grombacher 2:08
Nice, not good, not good to have PTSD not good to have a chronic acute physical illness. What now what do you have PTSD from,

Kelly Ruta 2:18
I have PTSD from early childhood sexual abuse. And I know that’s uncomfortable for people to hear. But I want people to get comfortable because the numbers are astounding, I’m certainly not unique, or one of few. There are millions of people globally who just kind of deal with this every single day. And when it happens very early in life changes your brain changes, your neurology changes a lot of things, and you have to learn to cope with and fortunately, now we have a lot more ways to treat it in order to you know, have the happy life that you deserve.

george grombacher 2:57
Amen. So the problem with being somebody who is helping other human beings to achieve success, but not having the scientific clinical background that you have, what’s what’s missing?

Kelly Ruta 3:15
Ah, so many things, George, we don’t have the time. But let me give you the bullet points. So number one, you know, I see this big trend in in coaching and consulting that if I did something, or I got through something that means I’m qualified to teach you or to help you to do it. And my answer is no are not. Especially when it comes to psychology or physical health. This is we see some really scary trends. And so what it did was, you know, my own experiences inspired me to get properly educated, properly trained, I mean, 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of hours, to be really qualified. And then I put in 20 years of practice, and continuing education to be able to do this safely for people because that’s the key, you know, doctors take that oath, do no harm. But really, when it comes to working with people’s minds, that’s the number one oath you should be taking is do no harm, not how do I make money doing this? So that’s really the number one thing and what I’m so committed to changing in this space. But also, if you don’t have the proper training, the proper education, you’re not really aware of evidence based practices, things that research has been done on over and over again, to show you this is safe, there’s efficacy, there’s efficiency.

There’s effectiveness. And so if you don’t have that background, and you don’t have that training, you know, you can really, really harm people, even though you’re very well intentioned, and most people are very well intentioned.

george grombacher 4:57
Yeah, it’s not that they’re trying to rip anybody offer just do things to make money can lay. That’s that’s not the case. They’re well intentioned, trust but verify. Anyway, okay, so how do I know, I’m a successful person? How do I know that? Maybe I do need to work with somebody like you?

Kelly Ruta 5:16
Yeah, that’s a great question. I see that most entrepreneurs and business owners are investing their money in the strategic and tactical side of building their business, which is a very, very important investment, we have to do that. Most of us, you know, got into entrepreneurship, because we got out of something else, right. So we need to make that investment. But what I think most people don’t realize, and I hope is a big takeaway from our conversation today is, you’re a human being, before you’re a CEO, before you’re a business owner, before you’re a podcaster. Before your whatever hat you’re wearing today, your human being first. And we have a lot of unique parts to us, including the mind body connection, the mind, emotion, connection, how all those things come together, to for you to be a good leader, healthy leader, and somebody who can really pivot and innovate and respond to some of the craziness in the world and in the business industry, with confidence, with clarity with your mental health attack. So my clients end up coming to me because they realize, you know, what, I’ve done all the things. I’ve invested in all the things I’ve even made the money. And you know what, I still don’t feel how I want to feel, it’s still impact. I’m kind of squeezing my life into running this business. But I built this business to help me have a fuller life. And I’m kind of getting the life, maybe on the weekends, if I’m lucky, you know, I’m squeezing it in. And the other thing is really, they’re finding acute stress to have turned into chronic stress. And we’re built to handle acute things. If the pandemic had lasted 90 days, most of us would have been okay. But two years later, this has turned into a chronic stressor. And there’s a lot of those in business, yet we tend to overlook and downplay the work we need to do on ourselves, so that we can not only grow ourselves as leaders, but really shared shield ourselves from the pitfalls of the stressors of life in general at the moment, but running a business as well.

george grombacher 7:21
Yeah. Well, I’m sure that both of those really resonate with with a lot of people right now, the idea of, yeah, I’m squeezing a little bit of my life and the things I enjoy into the weekends. So I can spread more of that out over the course of the week.

Kelly Ruta 7:40
You can and some of it is really about how you what you believe deep down on a subconscious level, what you believe you can have what you believe is possible, what you believe you’re deserving of the universal I like to say, I mean, I’m 27 years at this, right. So the universal limiting belief I see that is not really on a conscious level for everybody, but that you were exposed to somewhere along your life journey is, I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. So you can intellectually say no, no, I know, I’m an expert. I know I’m a good person, I deserve all these good things I deserve time off. I deserve to make more money, I deserve to have more fun. But subconsciously, we’ve all picked up some version, I am not blank enough, old enough, young enough, then enough educated at whatever the enough is, there’s this sense of not enoughness of inadequacy. And that will sabotage you over and over. So you may have great intentions, George to set up your calendar and your schedule differently and manage your time differently or hire differently. So you can delegate and get some things off your plate and take back some time and energy to workout or meditate or sleep better. You have great intentions. But if subconsciously, you have a belief that you’re not good enough, you will sabotage those things over and I don’t care how many time management courses you take, you will continuously pull the rug out from underneath yourself.

george grombacher 9:12
I don’t doubt that for a second. So for the audience that’s listening. That’s not a a psychopath sociopath, or a horrible narcissist, who think, without question, I am amazing. And everything that I do is amazing for the rest of us. Is it too safe to assume we have something there? Or how do I figure out? How do I know?

Kelly Ruta 9:37
Yeah, I love this question. Because this is part of the human condition and nobody gets to escape it. Why? Because everybody has both a conscious mind and a subconscious mind. You can’t get around that right. But the problem is most people aren’t being taught. How do you work with that part of your mind that you’re not even really terribly aware of? We’ve been kind of hammered especially in the West with this idea that intellect is king. And it’s not intellect is great. And it’s one of the tools in the toolbox. But if you don’t learn how to use your entire mind, you’re really kind of missing out on a lot of the goodness and also on on opportunities to change some of the stuff that gets in your way. So where do you start with all of this, if you don’t have, you know, advanced degrees in Psych, and this is just not something you’re really exposed to. I’m not talking, you know, vision boards and journaling. That’s what you hear a lot about. That’s not what I’m talking about. Every human being gets exposed from birth, and there’s even some research that says pre birth to messages, over and over and over some that helped really help us survive and function really, really well. And other messages around things like money and gender and power and visibility and things like that, that trip us up a lot along the way. And that, again, it’s just part of the human experience, from zero to six, whatever you’re exposed to repeatedly, it goes directly in and it becomes a program. After six, when you’re exposed to something that gives you a strong emotional response. It can go directly into the subconscious and create a program or what is kind of commonly known as a limiting belief. And so we can have lots of limiting beliefs subconsciously, that intellectually, we just don’t agree with you a big one is if I say to you, money doesn’t grow on, everybody says the same thing. Everybody knows trees, right? That’s because we’ve been exposed to that message culturally, forever. You may not intellectually believe that, but it’s still in there, and it’s still causing problems for you. And the way you can begin to figure out where you may have some of these subconscious beliefs that are tripping you up a bit is your business and your life are a mirror image of what you believe. So the places where you’re finding a lot of ease, awesome, you have beliefs that match you creating that ease, places where you have a pattern of struggle, not just the random thing, you know, stuff happens. But a pattern of sabotage or struggle, or this is really, really hard, you may in probably likely have a belief about that thing, whether it’s, you know, time or money or success or any of those things. So that’s where you begin to look. And at the end of the show, I’ll give you a tool, I’ll give your listeners a tool, it’s, it takes three to five minutes max, it’s an assessment, you go through it, and you will come out with a subconscious belief that is likely tripping you up along the way.

george grombacher 12:44
I love it. Super powerful. It’s it’s true. Right? Those things that that money doesn’t grow on trees, or, I mean, I’m sure that there are just 1000s of those many. And is it? Is it the simplicity that that just embeds that in? Because we all know, you know, a stitch in time saves nine, it’s it’s whatever. Right?

Kelly Ruta 13:11
Right. So, you know, the subconscious mind is so interesting, it doesn’t work the same way as the conscious mind. So the conscious mind works. You know, we can use language, we can use lots of things. To sort of reframe your thoughts, we hear a lot of this stuff like Think Like A Boss act like a boss, that’s all, you know, working on your conscious mind, which is powerful. But it doesn’t really change a whole heck of a lot other than maybe the way you think the subconscious mind triggers thoughts, feelings and behaviors that turn into habits. And that’s why it can be problematic. So the way the subconscious mind receives messages is not through language, although language has an impact. It’s through emotion, and imagery. So if you have a really say powerful memory, with a strong emotion attached to it, whether it’s positive or negative, that is the language of the subconscious mind. The other language of the subconscious mind is repetition to exposure to something. So if you got, say, for example, this is just a common one, money scarcity messages over and over and over as a kid that is going to go in that is going to go in because between zero and six, we don’t have resistance. Why? Because our mind our self awareness, it’s not really online yet. We kind of come online, so to speak, are between six and seven. So everything just sort of goes in. But that so again, that the message may be simple, but really the thing that’s giving it the stick, so to speak, is whether or not it has an emotional charge to it positive or negative.

george grombacher 14:55
Got it? Well, that certainly makes sense. Otherwise, why would it stick right if doesn’t really resonate with me positively or Nick can can it? Can it do the same from a positive standpoint? Or is it just the negative stuff that really sticks around?

Kelly Ruta 15:10
No, absolutely, it can be done with the positive stuff. And it’s also done with things that I mean, were built this way for survival. George, right, like with most things, so we’re built this way, because from zero to six or seven, what you’re learning is how do I survive, in a family, in a community, in my school, on the playground, wherever you are growing up, so we want those positive things to sink in really, really quickly. The problem is, if you grow up in an abusive environment, a toxic environment and environment where your basic human needs are not met consistency consistently, those things also stick, right? So yes, it can go both ways. And a lot of the work I do with my clients is to kind of pull those things out by the roots, and intentionally put unbelief in where there was one that was sabotaging you.

george grombacher 16:08
It makes sense. I remember. I remember googling limiting beliefs. And everything was, or or I can’t remember what it was. But just the result was it was all about on unwinding negative beliefs as opposed to strengthening positive ones. So it was is curious I was that’s the reason I asked. But yeah, so yeah, pull out the bad ones by the root, get rid of them and put a new one back in.

Kelly Ruta 16:36
Absolutely. And then the brain, obviously, we have confirmation bias, right? This is a both problematic and helpful. So the brain is always looking for evidence of what you already believe. So if you believe something positive, you want to be scanning and celebrating and making note of all of the evidence of the positive things. The problem is what we tend to do is like gloss right over that, especially when you’re super ambitious, because you’re just on to the next thing. And your brain is also scanning for risks and threats and problems all the time. So really a positive thing to work into your say daily habits or weekly habits is making sure you slow down long enough to not just be looking for evidence of what’s not working and what’s broken and how much I’m you know, screwing things up, which is what we do. But to intentionally look for evidence of what’s going well, what’s working out, what where did I swing and like knock it out of the park? How is my team just killing it in business? Even the tiniest little thing, the brain doesn’t care about the size of the evidence, you just have to find the evidence. So you can solidify all of the positive things you already have in there and then solidify the habits you have around that. But not unless you slow down long enough to give your brain the evidence of what is both good. And what could use a little improvement.

george grombacher 18:02
Love it. Kelly people are ready for difference making tip, what do you have for them?

Kelly Ruta 18:08
Don’t make this mistake, it’s very, very simple. Do not believe that the conscious mind is the captain of your ship. It is not. It’s really easy to think that where your self awareness lives is where all your power is. It’s not it runs about 5% of the show, so that people who really, really want to make a difference and an impact will do the work on themselves to really kind of excavate what’s going on in their subconscious mind and learn how to work with it so you can make the impact that you want in the world. That is the key takeaway.

george grombacher 18:46
Well, I think that is great stuff that definitely gets come up. Kelly, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people learn more about you? How can they engage? And you’ve mentioned in exercise a couple of

Kelly Ruta 18:56
minutes. Yeah, yeah, so I am super easy to find. I’m on Facebook, I’m on Instagram and I answer my own DMS. You can find me at Kelly rooder calm but the best way to really get value is to go take our assessment. It’s called the invisible sabotage assessment. It’s www dot invisible saboteur.com. It’s a three to five minute assessment and it’s going to reveal to you your pattern of self sabotage how it’s impacting your business, and what that subconscious belief is that you picked up along the way and by the way, you don’t need to know where you got it from. This is not therapy does not matter. You just need to know where it is and connect the dots and how it’s tripping you up in all of your efforts.

george grombacher 19:40
Love it. If you enjoyed this as much as I did so kill your appreciation and share today’s show with a friend who also appreciates good ideas go to Kelly ruda.com KLLYRUT a.com Find her on Facebook, Instagram. And I’d love to be able to direct people to the invisible Saba tour Kelly but I don’t Don’t know how to spell saboteurs.

Kelly Ruta 20:03
So love that you admit that that’s awesome. So it s a b OT. You are so invisible. saboteurs.com

george grombacher 20:13
Excellent. Thanks again, Kelly. Thank you, George. And until next time, keep fighting the good fight. It’s we’re all in this together.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai