We’re all in need of some tough love every now and then.
Hopefully, you’ve got some people in your life who care about you enough to give it to you. We don’t necessarily like it while we’re getting it, but with some space and time, we recognize it was needed.
Is it possible to give yourself tough love? I think so.
The right question has immense power. With enough courage, we can ask ourselves those questions and be honest with the answers. But what are the right questions? I’m so glad you asked.
I’m going to arm you with some impactful questions and the key areas of your life to think about and focus on.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
Let’s get started.
Interrogating your reality
In her book Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott talks about how to interrogate reality. She points out that no plan survives its collision with reality, and that every conversation is an opportunity to change your life.
In order to ask ourselves, and honestly answer a question, we need to recognize and overcome our egos. We need to stop relying on the self-defense mechanisms we employ to keep ourselves emotionally safe.
We need to stop arguing for our limitations. If you had a rough childhood, my heart goes out to you. But if you’re 35 years old, and still using your childhood to explain why you’ve not reached your potential, it’s time to stop. Your past does not define you. You’re a survivor, not a victim.
If you’re able to interrogate your own reality, these questions have the potential to change your life. If you can’t, stop reading.
I’ve found prompts to be very helpful in catalyzing thinking and conversations. If I asked you, “What’s most important to you?” you may be able to answer, but it may be hard because it’s such a broad question. But if I asked, “What’s the most important part of your career?” you’d probably be able to more easily answer.
I like to focus on six key areas of life:
With each question I want you to answer generally, and then in terms of the six areas.
What’s most important?
Are you being a good steward of your most important resources?
We all have finite time, attention, and money. Because of that, we need to be careful how we spend and allocate them.
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
To help you explore this further, you can access our Goals course and our Values course for free.
What seems impossible?
What currently seems impossible to you?
Many things in life seem impossible until we do them. Remember, there was a time when you couldn’t walk, talk, and you’d poop your pants.
While not everything is possible (Me playing in the NFL), you can do great things. If anything were possible, what would you do?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
Make a decision
What’s stopping you from making an important decision?
Fear and procrastination keep us stuck. What’s the most important decision you’re facing right now, and what’s stopping you from making it?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
What are you avoiding?
What are you avoiding?
We’ve all got a lot on our plates. Maybe you’re a professional, a parent, an aspiring golfer, and a volunteer. Every aspect of life comes with responsibilities. Which ones are you avoiding?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
Addressing the elephant
Which conversations are you avoiding having?
When we work our way around one another, we get better and better at it. Odds are, everyone knows when there’s an issue that should be discussed, and we also get really good at not discussing it.
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
What’s keeping you up?
What’s keeping you up at night?
What are you worried about? How long has it been bothering you?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
What would you do with more time?
If you had more time, what would you do with it?
We’ve all got the same 24 hours to spend. What choices can you make differently?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
What would you stop doing?
What would you stop doing if you could?
What would you outsource or delegate? What would you cut out completely? We’ve all got things that feel like necessary evils. But maybe there’s a different way to handle yours?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
The most important thing
What’s the most important thing you should be focused on?
It’s been said, “The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.” How well are you doing that?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
Feeding the flame
What are you doing that guarantees poor results?
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. How is this showing up in your life?
Now, think about how it applies in the six areas:
Closing
The thing about having tough conversations is afterwards, we feel a lot better.
When it’s time to remove a bandaid, the right approach is to rip it off. The same thing is true of tough conversations, even if we’re only having them with ourselves.
Failure to give yourself tough love will cause burnout and frustration. I truly believe you have enough time to do most anything you want, but not enough time to waste. True love is holding one another accountable. Show yourself true love.
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