People have all kinds of parenting goals. Some want to raise respectful, well-mannered children, some want to be best friends with their kids, and others want to make sure their kids grow up to be good citizens.
Whatever your goals, I want to help you take personal responsibility for your parenting so you can successfully raise children.
We, as humans, have many amazing superpowers. One of my clear favorites is our ability to create the future we desire. It’s truly amazing if you think about it. When you take the time to reflect on what you want your future to look like, when you create a plan of action, and then execute that plan, most any reality can be yours. And that’s what I want to help you do. To clarify and crystallize what you want your future to look like.
I like having a framework for doing things. A formula or recipe for success. I want to know that if I follow certain steps, I’ll get this result.
That’s what I’ve created for you to help you get where you want to go as a parent.
You and I have enough time to do everything we want, but not enough time to waste. So let’s get started.
Overview of what we’ll cover:
- Examine your existing beliefs and emotions around parenting
- Decide how you’d like to feel and think about being a parent
- Clarifying your parenting goals and the raising your children
- Decide on your course of action and create your plan
- Making it real and sustainable in your life
- Removing blocks/impediments
- A learning framework for making it happen
- Have the will to do it or put the mechanism in place to ensure it’s completion
Examine your existing beliefs and emotions around parenting and raising children
What’s really holding you back from being a good parent?
We all have core beliefs, whether we’re aware of them or not. Much like your phone has an operating system that’s always running in the background, our core beliefs are always guiding our decision making.
Some of them were given to us at birth, many were installed when we were very little, and some have been downloaded along the way.
When you start thinking about yours, you’ll begin to recognize what your current version is. If you’re happy with them, excellent. If you’re not, I’ve got good news- you can change them. It won’t be easy, but you can do it.
Beliefs about parenting
Here is a list of prompts about parenting and raising children. As you read through them, write down the first thing that comes to mind; don’t overthink it.
- Parenting is
- Being a parent is
- Kids are
- Being a kid is
- My parents were
- In my family, kids
- Parenting equals
- A good parent
- A bad parent
- In order to be a good parent, I’d need
- Good parents are always
- I think parenting
- People think parenting
Now that you’ve written your initial thoughts on each of these, go back through and think more deeply about the ones that we’re the most triggering.
For example, if you wrote “Being a parent is really hard,” spend time thinking about why you think that way. What kind of parents were your folks? Were they loving and caring, or cold and detached? Did they raise their voices and yell at you, or were they patient and good listeners?
For me, my parents divorced when I was five and my mom did the best job she could as a single mom who worked full-time.
Seeing her experience burn-out and frustration led me to think that being a parent was really hard.
Recognizing that belief led me to being very intentional about working to have enough time to give my full attention to my kids. I don’t want them to think what I thought.
The more you can dig into your past and examine it, the better the chances of changing your beliefs from negative to positive.
To help you in this process, you can access our Values Course at no-cost.
Decide how you’d like to feel and think about parenting and raising your children
Once I get that new job, then I’ll be happy. Once I get that car, then I’ll be happy. Once I
I’m married and have a family, then I’ll be happy. Does any of that sound familiar?
We have an odd relationship with goals and happiness, and too often, we think about them
the wrong way. So, instead of thinking “once I get more money, then I’ll be happy,” decide how you want to feel, then think deeply about why you want what you want.
Once you’ve done that, then you’ll set your goals.
I’ve found word association helps me to get clear on how I truly want to feel.
For example, when I hear Good Parent, I feel present, I feel fully engaged, I feel locked-in and focused, I feel satisfaction. I have really good and strong feelings around being a good parent. This is a clear priority for me.
Let’s go through some parenting word association. For each, write down your initial feelings.
- Good Parent
- Good kid
- Loving parent
- Effective parent
- Stern parent
- Well-behaved child
- Polite child
- Good listener
- Parenting is the most important job
The idea is to figure out how you want to feel. Once you’ve gone through each one, go back through them again and dig deeper. You can certainly add more as well.
To help you in this process, you can access our Goals Course at no-cost, where you’ll go deeper into this process.
Clarifying your parenting goals and the raising of your children
I talked about how our ability to create the future we desire is a superpower.
When you take the time to reflect on what you want your future to look like, when you create a plan of action, and then execute that plan, most any reality can be yours.
It’s time to create the future you desire.
For each prompt, write down what you want (Feel free to add/subtract/substitute anything you’d like).
- What kind of parent are you?
- How is your relationship with your children?
- How much time do you spend with your children?
- What activities do you do with them?
- Describe your children
- How do you feel about your parenting skills?
- How do you feel about your children?
- What’s your job as a parent?
Be honest with yourself. Don’t judge yourself. What you want is what you want, and it’s great (whatever it is). These are your goals, this is your life, and you’ve got one shot at it. Plan for the life you want to live.
Again, you can access our Goals Course at no-cost, where you’ll go deeper into this process.
Decide on your course of action and create your plan
You’ve examined your existing beliefs. You’ve decided how you want to feel. You’ve clarified your goals. Now it’s time to chart your course of action and create your plan.
For each area, determine the desired result, cost and time horizon for making it happen. As you continue along, you’ll refine your plan and get more specific.
Example 1: My desired result is to be a good parent. I will define what that means and determine the activities which will position me for success. I will do this over the next 90 days.
Example 2: My desired result is to stop yelling at my kids. I’ll need to learn new communication skills and tactics. I will find an engage a coach over the next 30 days.
Example 3: My desired result is to stop feeling out of control and pulled in 100 directions with my three children. I’ll need to improve my time management and scheduling. I will research how to get better, learn tactics and implement them over the next 45 days.
Complete this structure for each of your goals.
Making it real and sustainable in your life
It’s not enough to know. It’s not enough to know how. You also have to make change real and sustainable.
You need to recognize this is a lot. There’s immense technical knowledge in many different areas; investing, insurance, taxes, estate planning, business planning, philanthropy and more.
Then there’s recognizing any emotional connections that exist. And then it’s integrating it all together.
You need to figure out how to maximize your resources of time, attention and money. And, you’ll need to take into consideration your desire and interest; do you want to spend time on this?
There has to be someone whose job it is to bring all of this together.
The good news is, it’s available at every level. There are world-class advisors who do it, and there are FinTech companies meeting these needs and an entire industry of hourly coaches.
But it comes down to choice. Will you choose to dedicate the resources to doing this? Will you accept the personal responsibility?
And that’s the most fundamental truth of all. The ultimate responsibility for your success is YOURS.
Removing blocks/impediments- internal, external
Whenever we’re trying to make real and lasting change, we’re going to run into blocks and impediments. These blocks can be both internal and external, so it’s important to be aware of them.
Fundamental blocks keeping us from parenting success:
- Literacy in parenting skills
- Feelings of unworthiness
- Lack of clarity on values
- Lack of clarity on goals
- Lifestyle choices
- Negative or toxic relationships
- A lack of interpersonal communication skills
- Acting emotionally versus logically
- Poor planning and use of time
- A lack of patience
- Lack of scheduling
When we become aware of them, we need to take proper action to overcome them.
For example, if you lack literacy on parenting skills, you could read blog posts and listen to podcasts, read a book or take a course, or work with a coach.
For example, if you have toxic relationships in your life, you’ll need to figure out how to fix the problems, or move on from that person.
For example, if you are feeling like you don’t have enough time to get everything done, you’ll need to learn how to better prioritize and calendar your time. You can do this through personal research, looking at ways to automate certain aspects of your life, and working with a coach.
To overcome what’s holding you back may require resources.
Where can you get the new knowledge you need? Knowing where you can go for information and knowledge is extremely important.
Do you want to spend time on this? Some people really enjoy personal finance and investing, while others would prefer to not spend much time on it. There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. Again, it’s important to be honest with yourself.
Will you spearhead this effort, or will you find partners?
A Learning Framework for Making it Happen
“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”
Whatever you’re trying to get better at, if it’s personal finance, relationships or your leadership skills, there are three models for doing it.
- DIY Model. Information and raw data is everywhere. I’ve certainly combed through it all to learn new skills. You can listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos and read blogs on literally every topic and parenting is no different.
- Invest Model. Tapping into the knowledge and teachings of others can greatly enhance the learning process. I’ve paid for and benefitted from many courses from college to online learning. There are a lot of courses for improving your parenting and communication skills.
- Partner Model. Wisdom is more valuable today than ever. Getting the support and expertise in the form of coaching, advising or a mastermind can get you where you want to go a lot faster. Working with a coach, therapist, or joining a mastermind can help you get where you want to go a lot faster.
Obviously, the more you can interact with an expert, the better. But if you have the time and attention, you can most certainly piece everything together on your own.
Have the will to do it or put the mechanism in place to ensure it’s completion
I think self-discipline is an incredible thing and I greatly value mine. It helps me to do things even when I don’t feel like doing them. Like getting out of bed in the morning to exercise, and managing our household budget.
I also don’t think it’s a genetic thing; I think you can cultivate and strengthen self-discipline.
Do you know who David Goggins is? He’s possibly the most self-disciplined and intense human on the planet. He transformed himself from unhealthy and out-of-shape to a world-class athlete and he inspires millions of people.
I bring him up because it took David Goggins a while to get where he is today, and it may take you a while to get where you want to go with money. You can’t get out of debt in a week any more than you can lose 100 pounds in a month.
Structure first. Then self-discipline.
As you work up to your Goggin’s level of self-discipline, putting structure in place will help you get everything that needs to get done. That’s where your SOP comes in.
Your SOP (Standard operating procedure)
A standard operating procedure is a set of step-by-step instructions compiled by an organization to help their people get what needs to get done, completed.
If it’s for an organization, why would an individual have one?
If you have a simple, straightforward and uncomplicated life, you probably don’t need one. Odds are, you have a complex life with a lot of moving parts. The more you can systematize and put structure around the things that need to get done, the better.
When it comes to personal finance, I’ve already talked about how complex it can be. Keeping on top of everything that needs to happen on a monthly basis is important.
- Checklists. One day, perhaps many of the things you need to be successful will be second nature. Until that day, make a checklist for everything that needs doing. For example, having a checklist for pick-up and drop-off times for school and other activities can be extremely helpful.
- Calendar. What gets scheduled, gets done. If you don’t put all of your important activities into your calendar, they’ll get bumped by some other “emergency.” For example, schedule all of your kid’s activities, so they show up on your calendar.
- Automate. The more we can take our hands off the wheel, the better. For example, set recurring doctor’s appointments and create reminders that automatically pop up in your calendar.
- Delegate. Get a coach, professional, or join a mastermind. If there’s an area you lack in, find someone or something that can support you in your change.
I don’t want this to seem as though I’m doing a commercial for outsourcing, I’m not. You’re perfectly capable of doing this yourself. Again, be honest with yourself about whether or not you want to spend the time and attention it will take to get where you want to go.
If you find you need additional help, then look at outsourcing.
You have choice.
You can choose to get the resources you need to break through. To tap into your superpower and to create the future you desire.
Will you accept personal responsibility?
What’s your first step?
We’re here to help. Check out the LifeBlood podcast wherever you listen to podcasts; we’ve spent a lot of time talking about parenting.
Parenting success is available to you, get started!
Interested in helping your kids learn everything they need to know about money? Take a look at our Teaching Kids about Money course.
You can access our Goals Course at no-cost.
You can access our Values Course at no-cost.
Connect with one our Certified Coaches.
Invest in one of our Courses.
Here are some applicable episodes of the LifeBlood podcast that talk about making change. We also have a lot of content around personal finance as well.
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