How to Be Your Authentic Self with Tyler Williams

george grombacher 0:02
Keller Williams is a former racecar driver recording artists. He’s the founder of fear formula is helping powerful people remember how powerful they actually are. Welcome to the show, Tyler.

Tyler Williams 0:15
George. It’s a pleasure to be here and I’m looking forward to sharing some time. So

george grombacher 0:18
excited to have you on. Tell us a bit about your personal lives more about your work, why you do what you do?

Tyler Williams 0:25
Well, you covered a good bit of it for last 20 years I’ve worked in the high stakes world of country music and Motorsports and the kind of behind the scenes I spent the last decade helping entrepreneurs, small business owners, levers the power of their voice, helping them embrace their fears, and step into what I call car starting fires that turn into symbols of light for the community around them.

I’ve six weeks as a new resident of Charlotte, North Carolina, I just moved here from Nashville after five years of being in a country music scene, living in Franklin, Tennessee,

Atlanta born and raised. So Georgia is home for me. So I’ve moved quite a bit but I haven’t ventured too far from home, had a little stint in the University of Georgia for college way back about 20 years ago. And out doing work in the world that really lights me up by helping people tap into the external, the internal experience, so they can go affect the external world.

george grombacher 1:27
I love it. So What’s scarier performing on stage or driving a car around the track?

Tyler Williams 1:37
The exposure on stage is a little more fearful for me because it’s a it’s a little more vulnerable, that the race car, even though you can physically get hurt, you’re you’re in a cocoon, you people can’t really see you very well, you’ve got a helmet on. And so the the stage work is certainly create some more fearful experience for me.

george grombacher 1:58
How about enjoyable?

Tyler Williams 2:01
Racing is more enjoyable, because of that aspect. I can hide in the race car where you might my core fear still is around being seen, which people laugh at, because they see you on stage as a speaker, as a singer. And I know you’ve raced cars, and you’ve been on TV and radio, you do all these things, right? And I still have this fear of being seen. So the stage work, lights me up. I love it. But those moments before creates a little more fear than strapping into the race car.

george grombacher 2:33
Fascinating, right? Cool. Not cool that you have a core fear of being seen, but that you get the idea. How did you tell me about core fear and how you figured out what what yours is? Or was?

Tyler Williams 2:52
Well, I can go back to middle school and I performed as 11 and 12 years old at the Fox Theater and Atlanta 4000 people in a week’s run and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The Choir I was in was selected to perform. And that was a moment where you’re loving life, you’re getting to be on stage with your friends, you’re as part of this big production. And towards the end of it, you realize people do this for a living, I want to do this I want to perform, doesn’t have to be Broadway, it doesn’t have to be musicals, I just want it to be on stage. So I love the feeling fast. For a couple years, I’m at a house party, on the lead singer of this band, we put together with some friends, we show up, we didn’t practice. And when you don’t practice anything, there’s oftentimes that just doesn’t go well. And so stepped up to the mic for the first song. And have you ever been in a car and you’re singing a song and you think you know, every single lyric? And then you turn down the music? Or like the the song fades for a second? Because you went through like a tunnel? And all sudden you’re like, Wait, I didn’t. I don’t know any of those words. I was just saying something of nonsense. That’s kind of what ended up being. The intro came in and I totally missed the mark. And my friend on guitar looks at me, he kind of gives me that side. I like what are you doing and like you’re messing this up. And I just pay and I didn’t know what to do. We finally got into the song but again, but the second verse had another panic moment and I just walked off stage not knowing what I should do, or could do even because if I didn’t know the first song, I certainly didn’t know the second. I turned around students Doria watching my friends continued to play. And as with a group of friends, the girls I was trying to impress the buddies. I was trying to look cool in front of. And at that moment, I made a decision not to perform in public for over 10 years. And so I didn’t carry that every single waking moment of every day going, Man, that was the moment this is awful. This is my life. I’m destined to be, you know, less than or awful. I just don’t want experience that again. And it wasn’t until I started doing some personal development work and growth that I realized that was a pivotal moment where I made a vow to never Do something. And I stuck with it because I didn’t want to feel the fear, the shame, the embarrassment. And nobody made fun of me. Nobody was holding that against me. It’s just that internal experience of not wanting to experience something again. And that has rang true for most of my life since that moment where I’ve done a lot of things that people go, man, this guy’s fearless. He’s He’s singing in front of 1000s. He’s racing cars, and He’s crashing them and flipping and getting back up and doing it again the next week. But I still have this fear of being seen. And that’s a pivotal moment, I can trace it back to. And so I think everyone has core fears. Nobody likes to be just one. But it’s the ability to recognize it, to, to connect with it, to embrace it, and really create awareness as to what is the fear? What might be the origin story, and then we can massage on the story.

george grombacher 5:56
So there’s so much there, because I think that we all have core fears. And would it be okay to refer to that as limiting beliefs as well as our or is there a relationship there?

Tyler Williams 6:09
Yeah, sure. It’s absolutely limiting belief, right? It wasn’t that I couldn’t get up and speak, or sing or share. It’s at that single experience created an internal dialogue, that was something I didn’t want to recreate. Because I believe that I might recreate it through failing, right? Forget to the words of the speech, or not know what to say next, or get up and try to perform again and forget the lyrics. All those are just a set of beliefs around something that happened in the past, right. And whether it’s little dramas, big traumas, little fears, a major fear experience, we can recreate and rewire that experience with a new message. Should we choose to do the work, right?

george grombacher 7:00
So how do I know? How do I know if it is something when I was a kid that I’ve been now hiding from for decades,

Tyler Williams 7:11
taking the time to do the work, to take the moments where you’re feeling that fear and tap into it to begin to ask questions of it. Often, when people start getting close to it, we’ve learned to disassociate disconnected numb from it. And so we pull out the phone and we scroll or pull it out the drinks, or you might turn to sex, or you might turn to drugs, or you might some kind of vise right? It might just be workaholism, something to distract from what’s actually happening within the body. And so we can do all the mindset coaching we want. But we also have to think what is the body doing? What are their sensations in the body? Is there a specific location where we’re feeling a certain pressure or tingling? And we’re able to slow down and ask the questions of what’s happening, and gotta breathe into the moment and start uncovering where might this have originated. And maybe there’s a singular moment that you are very clear. On this day this happened, and I know it. And there’s other scenarios where it’s it’s not as clear of a picture. It’s maybe a faint memory of why this may have happened. But I don’t know. And the mind can be tricky, right? We can create stories that maybe there’s truth in it, but we don’t totally know. And so it’s getting into the story. And what is the meaning or making of the story? And that’s when we begin to tap into conversation around fear.

george grombacher 8:49
What’s the meaning, that of the story, we’re telling ourselves send that wrong?

Tyler Williams 8:57
Certainly the meaning so there’s a story. And then there’s the meaning of the story. And when we begin to take the time to create awareness around it, what is what is the events as they happened? And then what is it that we make of the event? Those are two different experiences.

george grombacher 9:22
Got it. That so? When I become when, when I start to engage in, in in this kind of work, and I start to do this exploration of in this situation or these situations, not only do I get nervous intellectually, but my body actually I get tense or that hair on the back of my neck or whatever. It’s it’s this fear. This manifestation of the way that I’m feeling or perceiving is happening. And for the last X number of years, decades lifetimes, I’ve been just a avoiding this through my phone or drinking or whatever, I’ve been coping disassociating, right? Do I go right after the big thing? Do I start with smaller things? How do I how do I eat the elephant?

Tyler Williams 10:17
This is the beauty of fear formula, there is no singular fear formula to what is your fear formula. So when the conversation is creating a framework for what is it that you need, in the moment, you may be ready to dive in and tackle the biggest elephant in the room. You may be primed and ready your body your nervous system, you’ve either done enough work already, or you’re just in a state where you can move into big conversations and experiences. Or you may be in a place where the amount of overwhelm the amount of stress the state of your nervous system is an override. And to jump into the biggest, most audacious conversation that you’ve ever had around your fears, or simply just what’s going on that you’ve never spoken about potentially, that could trigger you to a state where we’re not going to accomplish a lot. And so in our conversation would be a discovery to have the awareness of where are you today? What have you done in the past, forward. And that gives us a framework for what works for you in an effective way, it may just be as simple as starting with journaling could be a pledge journal and write for five minutes, just what’s top of mind. Stream of consciousness, put it on paper. So we’re going to create a gentle awareness, right? Maybe you’re someone who needs some meditation, so we spent five minutes and meditations, maybe it’s a five minute grounding, where you’re placing the hand on the body to feel the physical sensations, you know, you said you there’s tingling, let’s let’s actually connect to that. You might be somebody who’s ready for some pretty significant breath work. And so we take you on a 60 minute breathwork journey, and really activate the nervous system, and then primate to call you back home. To help you remember how powerful you are without necessarily having to do a lot of talk conversation, let the body do the work. So there’s there’s variations and degrees to which people are ready or not ready. And we try to guide through in a way that is going to help transmute the energy into momentum rather than a state of freeze.

george grombacher 12:36
So it is a function of don’t need to attack the thing head on, but I need to look at it and start addressing it even if it is in little things.

Tyler Williams 12:51
Absolutely small ripples new mountains. And so we don’t have to go and jump on top of the mountain right out of the helicopter and say we conquered right, we can start the journey and spend some time moving forward, we might have just sit by the river at the base of the mountain for a little while. And so we recalibrate and gain some strength back. Because look, a lot of people in fear is a touchy subject. And so we might even start by talking about fear, we might just gently ease into conversations around their life awareness because they have yet to do some check ins because nobody taught them. You know, we only know what we know, at any given moment. And if you don’t know something, to step into something that it can take you from zero to 60 Really quick, you might not be ready for it. And some people have grown up in environment where those conversations are the norm. And that’s beautiful. But a lot of people have not had that opportunity. And so we find the pace that the client is ready to move at. And sometimes we push a little harder, sometimes we back off. And we together create this relationship that allows the opportunity to help them be expressed. That’s a that’s what this work is about. It’s activating your most natural, vibrant expression, so that you can go start that fire in the community to be a pillar of light to shift the culture to shift the conversations to powerful, engaging, life giving conversations and connections.

george grombacher 14:34
Is it changes really hard, and I’m doing what I’m doing and it’s brought me here. So I could just keep doing what I’m doing. Is it a function of how important is it to think about that? Am I interested in becoming an example of becoming somebody who’s making an impact of thinking about that version of me that I’m really interested in becoming that will pull me through the discomfort of facing my fears.

Tyler Williams 15:06
I don’t think we often think of change, I don’t think we drastically become somebody different, especially overnight. I don’t think most of us need to become drastically somebody different. I think the idea that we have some pieces missing, and we have to go find them to become this next version of ourselves, is really a narrative I don’t support, I think remembering who we are, is literally remembering who was at birth, who was two and three before the world imprinted onto me and into me, ideas, beliefs, that maybe I don’t need or want, or that were harmful. And so when we can remember how powerful we are based on our true expression, the design that we’ve been gifted with, we begin to move forward, recognizing maybe the behaviors or some things I want to shift. But I’m not a behavior. Right? I don’t identify as the behavior that I’m acting out or expressing that maybe I don’t like. And we’ll begin to meet those conversations with loving kindness, we begin to create some freedom around this idea of why did it change who I am, because it’s not good. I need to change this behavior because I am this behavior. And most people have not had people around them who’ve really treated who they are with loving kindness. And they’ve looked down on them, they’ve stressed upon them how awful and bad and negative they are. And it’s really easy to take that into a shame spiral and become an I am statement of all the things. And so do you need to change? What does change mean to you? Who do you want to become in the world? And what if we just remember who you are? I believe there’s power in that conversation.

george grombacher 16:59
immense power in that. And what does one stand to gain?

Tyler Williams 17:07
Potential for freedom, they have not experienced a lightness, little more vibrancy of life. Now, if you’ve been living maybe in a neutral state, because you’ve been blocking some things out, when you wake up a little bit, you can find more joy, more light. But you also open the door to experience a little more grief and sadness as well. I would assert that’s life. And there’s beauty in all facets of the experience. And so I want more joy in my life. And if that means I have to experience a little more grief or sadness, I’m open to that invitation. Because I want more of the juiciness and the goodness of a beautiful sunset, rocking me to my core, and being able to take the time to slow down. So the willingness to open the door to possibility for whatever and that couldn’t be more money for you, you might simply want to have more financial freedom. And so this work can help you step into some fears around how you sell, how you show up in your work, how you speak about your work, how you communicate, how you lead, your emotional intelligence. And all those things are byproducts of engaging this work. Deeper intimacy in life relationships. If you’re a little distant from your kids, and you’ve been a workaholic. Well, how do we shift the conversation to where your kids actually like, hey, I want to see you today I want to talk to you because you started coming to me. How do we shift the nature of how we show up and and really find fulfillment? And maybe some new ways without feeling like it’s just something to check off.

george grombacher 18:51
You open the door, you’re opening it to new potential, more joy, happiness, energy, but also scary stuff, fear, pain.

Tyler Williams 19:04
And I make no promises of what is on the other side of the doors you open. But it’s the willingness to say, There’s got to be something more if you’re feeling flatlined. I’ve worked a lot of seven figure business owners, and they’re pulling in 250 $500,000 $750,000 personal incomes a year. They all have the same fears as the person that’s generating 40 or 50 60k. They still wonder if they have what it takes. They still wonder if they’re good enough. And when you’re flatlined, you just get used to the status quo, and it feels safe and comfortable. I still got my stuff and it’s heavy. But I’ve managed my life to where it’s now it’s manageable. For me, Don’t rock the boat. But they know that there’s something more And yeah, when you open that door, you don’t know what you’re gonna get. Because, again, how many messages are we hit with every single day driving down the road, just by billboards and media alone. And then you add in the personal interconnectedness of partnership at home with your your wife, or your husband or boyfriend, girlfriend, your children, your friends, co workers, random strangers on the subway, you get stared at the wrong way you felt the presence of somebody had some evil intent, maybe all the things, right? We live in a uncertain world. And the more we can begin to feel at home, in our body, feel safe in our body, create stories that support the life that we want to live based on our values, our vision for life. When we meet uncertainty, we take some of the fear that maybe had a a terrible story attached to it. And now it’s just a bad boring story.

george grombacher 21:05
I love it. Life is long journey all the way home to that real and authentic version of us before the world wild all that crap on, you think

Tyler Williams 21:15
that you do some work. And I’m gonna do that. I did a great year of personal work. This was great. And I’m feeling really nice. Like, we went through a little dip for a minute because it we got some deep stuff. And then we rose up and we’re on top of this mountain, I’ve arrived. And you think you know, all you need to know. And then for a season, you’re good. And all of a sudden, something happens, you go well, here’s another period of growth, and you realize that you never stopped growing. There’s always seasons, the role shifts and changes, you may think of the role as you go from child a student, that I mean a student athlete or go to college, you go straight to the workforce, you become maybe a wife or a husband, you lose a parent, you become a co worker, you become a grandparent one day, I mean, all the different roles you play in life, every one of them has a shift and a change. And it brings a new story. And I don’t know about you, but anytime you start something that you’ve never done, you’re gonna tap into some uncomfortable moments. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to be in a long term relationship. I don’t know how to be a husband or a father or a kid without parents. I mean, the conversations, you know, how do I save money? How do we get ahead in life? We all have the conversations. And no one has it figured out. I think that was one of the biggest lessons I learned in my 20s is, you know, my dad was a dentist and he was successful. And he never complained about work. And you just see success overnight, every single day. And then you realize, everybody, it’s just figured out just because I thought he had it figured out. You know, you get the deeper conversations with people you realize it. Everybody’s just doing their thing. And some pretend more than others. And certainly that that doesn’t mean people aren’t experts in their field and have tremendous knowledge and gifts and all the things but every day we wake up and we’re we’re forging a new path every day.

george grombacher 23:28
That’s well said. Tyler, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people learn more about you? How can they engage with you?

Tyler Williams 23:34
To have the best place to learn about the work would be Tyler Williams live.com Learn about coaching speaking you can see some of the history of music and racing. And if you want to connect best place probably it would be Instagram and it’s AT T Williams Live. Send me a DM or a follow and we’ll connect and love to hear about what’s going on your life doesn’t have to be fear related. I think fear is always a great way conversation to to jump in into the juicy parts of life. So I’d love to connect

george grombacher 24:07
with you enjoy this as much as I did. So tell your appreciation and share today’s show with a friend who also appreciate good ideas go to Tyler Williams live.com and check out the coaching speaking a bit about his past and then follow him on Instagram at T Williams Live and I will link all those in the notes of the show. Thanks again Tyler. George is my honor. Till next time remember, do your part by doing your best