Emotional Healing with David Gerber

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strong powerful David Gerber has returned to lifeblood Welcome back, David.

Unknown Speaker 0:18
Tracy, great to be back.

george grombacher 0:19
excited to have you back on. David is a TEDx speaker. He is a coach and partner with Novus global. They’re an executive coaching firm that works with Fortune 500 companies, professional athletes hope, high profile business leaders to develop lives, transform teams and elevate companies. David, refresh our memory, tell us a little bit about your personal life some more about your work and why you do what you do.

David Gerber 0:44
Yeah, so gosh, so I live currently in Denver, Colorado, and loving, loving getting to know the Colorado area. And I’m looking forward to ski season coming up and all that fun there. I’m executive coach been doing that for about 11 years. And I think for me, the biggest thing that I love about it, why I do what I do is, is because I love seeing people do things that they currently thought were impossible. So just letting people explore things that are outside of their current scope of what they think to be realistic, and how to achieve that, through reinventing themselves in order to attain 10 The lives that they want the lifestyles, the results, the impact that they want to have in their lives. Oh,

george grombacher 1:33
I appreciate that. And I don’t know how long it’s been since since we’ve spoken, but I know that you’ve got a lot going on in your life.

Unknown Speaker 1:41
Yeah, yeah, I definitely do. So just to kind of jump right in, I’ve been going on a pretty deep healing journey that resulted from a breakup that happened last December. And so I’ve been going through a deep dive on all things, healing all things, as you can imagine, kind of big shakeups in life like that really bring about all kinds of just things that that need to be dealt with in our lives. And sometimes they can be a blessing in that sense, sometimes unwanted, but sometimes very, very useful. And, and I remember I heard a quote last year. And the quote was, I rarely like the things that make me better when they’re actually happening to me. And that quote, really, really sat with me a lot. And as I think about that, just learning to you know, how do I actually how do I actually love the thing? Or how do I leverage the time that those are happening to discover new things about myself in the world?

george grombacher 2:49
And yeah, as, as we’re going through it, it is awfully hard to say, Oh, this is awesome. I could see all the wonderful growth that that’s happening to me. Thanks a lot for this experience.

Unknown Speaker 3:03
Exactly.

george grombacher 3:05
Like, I’m so grateful. This is happening to me right now. But nevertheless, it’s like physician heal thyself, right.

Unknown Speaker 3:13
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

george grombacher 3:16
So, how, how long into it? Or Did Did did you try to steer into this pain immediately? And sort of recognize, okay, I hate this. But this is an opportunity, or, I don’t know, if you felt like you actually go through the stages of grief and, and, and mourning? Tell me a little bit about how Yeah, it’ll happen.

Unknown Speaker 3:40
Yeah, it’s a great, great question. So if I think about my kind of timeline, so the divorce started back in December last year, so it’s been about 11 months now. And I would say it’s the first few months, just were just incredibly disorienting, right? Just, I remember I did start working with a therapist, but it wasn’t like it that I definitely wasn’t in a place of oh, this is gonna make me better this is you know, it was just more of kind of triage. At that point. I felt like I was like in the ICU. And and so just just having a therapist to help me kind of stay above water during that season of life and what I was going through and, and then I would say it was probably in May, so maybe six months, five, six months out that I I steered into it. And a lot of the stuff that was coming up for me at the time was I’ve been reading a lot of Joseph Campbell’s work and and he has similar kind of sentiments to what we’ve been saying so far. And one of his things is just run into the darkness. Which is so counterintuitive is we oftentimes want to run away from the darkness and I still remember so many times is writing that in my journal of just writing it out like run into the darkness like this is this is a gift and like you You basically want to run the everything he writes about out in similar folks that write about it, or like, run like normally run to like sprint into it, there’s so much to learn here, there’s so much gold here. At the same time, as you run deeper into it, the pain seems to accentuate itself. And there’s times where you feel like you’ll never come back from it. And so, so that was that was May through? Well, I still think I’m still in that season of life very much healing. So I would say it started more about five months, and it still continues on even now. But I would say the intense months were 56789, something like that, where it was just, it felt like I may never come back from the brink. But I but but I trusted the the wisdom of all that I’m just running into it and seeing what I find. And I have found stuff and I’m finding stuff. And I’m I know there’s a lot yet to come. But it’s just just a data time at this point.

george grombacher 5:57
Yeah, I certainly appreciate that. i Yeah, I’ve been trying to do a ton of writing. I think it’s probably been, I think I’ve been trying to write every day for I think, maybe since January. And it’s been extremely valuable. With something that I wrote down a while ago, I wrote, you know, it was something along the lines of just really appreciating the exquisiteness of certain kinds of pain. It’s like if you’ve ever woken up, yeah, middle the night with a leg cramp, sort of obviously, try to do something about it just but just appreciating how debilitating li painful that is. And I know how much you enjoy more, you subject yourself to cold water. How do you see parallels there?

Unknown Speaker 6:41
Oh, I love that. So, you know, I’ve continued with that I actually set a goal this year to do either 100 Like a total of either cold showers, I showers or ice baths of doing 100 this year. Mostly just because I just challenged up the beginning of the year, I want to do 100 100 of those at three minutes each. So that’s kind of what constitutes one is doing three minutes. And, and I’m already at like 150. So I’m actually going to push for, like 200 this year, instead of 100. And, and a lot of it is you know, I’ve actually done some research recently around it. And there was a there’s a guy who Andrew Huberman who does the Huberman lab podcast, he talks about how it’s like so good for your dopamine, and different things. And so I’ve actually felt that there’s been times this year where I’ve done two or three of the showers a day just to, you know, three minutes at a time just to get myself kind of out of a funk. And it’s actually quite, quite useful. I was kind of blown away at times where I’d be in quite in a funk. And I would just get into a shower and just stand there for three to five minutes. And it would be really, really helpful it kind of waking me up a bit shaken me out of the funk. And so that was really, really useful. And so that the biggest thing, I think that’s such a correlation there is it, there’s such a concept around the ice baths of surrender. And I remember there was a point where, and I don’t know if I would do this again. But a couple months ago, I’ve sent a really, really tough day. And so I decided I wanted to do an ice bath, and I want to get the water sub 40 Which takes me like took like 70 pounds of ice to get down to sub 40 In this tub I was in and I wanted to do I was going to try to do 20 minutes, and partly cuz I was just pissed at myself for being such having such a tough day. So that was like the unhealthy part of it. But then the healthy part of it was like, hey, this will help with kind of, you know, just kind of shaking me out of things. And I made it 14 minutes, which I’m glad I got out because I think I was getting I think I was getting close to pricing. Like be careful with that. I think with some of that stuff. People are listening. It’s like be mindful of if you’re doing the ice bath stuff to be thoughtful about it. hypothermia. Dangerous. Yeah, there’s some there’s some danger involved when you’re when you’re doing it. So I just want to be careful people, I’m a little bit crazy. I just like enjoy trying things out. But um, so the this whole idea of surrender. Because I still remember when I did that one that day, I got in and there’s this point where the first few seconds your body’s like not quite feeling it and then you get 1015 seconds in your body’s like, oh my god, what is this? And then for about six or seven minutes, it’s, it’s, you know, it’s one breath at a time of complete and utter surrender to the elements, if you will. And then there’s a point where you hit kind of seven, eight minutes, and I think your body is just numb and so for for like seven eight minutes into like 1011 minutes. It’s actually almost easier. It’s a weird concept, but your body kind of like just surrenders to it, but then you start hitting 1112 13 minutes. It’s like your body starts to realize like, Okay, this is unsustainable.

george grombacher 9:55
Are we dying?

Unknown Speaker 9:58
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. From a physiological remember, like it feels your body, your body thinks that because that’s, you know, if you stayed there, this would happen. So I think this concept of surrender, you know, kind of like the quote, you know, things that make me better when actually happening to me is just, it’s just surrendering to the things that are happening, and letting them run their course, and sitting in them. And sometimes that means you have rough days. And sometimes that means you just want to get to bed that night. And sometimes it’s just bravery looks like opening your eyes the next morning. And just surrendering to that, that day, that season of life, that you’re in that, that you’re healing or going through something really difficult. So, I see a lot of correlations with the ice baths and, and the healing journey of just like I said, just surrendering, just like letting go and learning how to do so as best as we possibly can.

george grombacher 10:59
Yeah, that’s, I think that that sounds like an immense amount of wisdom. It’s something that I’ve been trying to learn how to do over the past couple of years, I used to be the person who just ran or tried to just run through walls. And when somebody says, You got to let it come to you. I’m like, I don’t know what that means. But ready, but letting letting this run its course the idea of surrendering. I think that that that’s that’s, it makes sense intellectually. That sounds easy. Does hard?

Unknown Speaker 11:32
Yes, yes. It? I couldn’t agree with that more, you know it. It does the DD Mata conceptually, but when you actually go through it, it’s such a different experience.

george grombacher 11:45
I wrote down on sort of taking notes as I’m listening to you the idea of victim versus survivor and not saying that you’re a victim. But certainly people that are going through traumatic events is is that like a shift? Do you think that sort of happens? Because you could certainly stay a victim of your painful experience? Or at some point? Yeah, you continue on your path, your hero’s journey?

Unknown Speaker 12:12
Yes, yeah. When the hero’s journey, he was, you know, again, kind of reckoning back to Joseph Campbell’s work. I think there so, so part of it, for me was part of my personal journey with this was going through even like the stealing of abandonment, which I didn’t realize how deep that that cuts, and I ended up reading a really good book called from abandonment to healing, which was really, really good. Because in this scenario with me, it was, it was my wife that initiated the divorce and, and so then, I was just looking for any resources that would help me kind of make sense of this thing. And so I found this book, and it resonated so much it was like, okay, like that, like I you can, you can be abandoned, and, and view it from a standpoint of a victim, or you can view it from I think you still have, like, take ownership of the fact that that’s what happened, or what the experience was like. But still, I think the mindset of it can still be like, I want to look at this and learn from this video for this. Versus like, I don’t know, this is going to ruin me or something like that. However, it’s going to look, and and so, but that that book, I think there’s so many times I’d read a sentence, and I would just be like, That’s exactly what I felt like. And, and so I won’t go into a ton of detail with it, per se. But it definitely felt like so many things in that book talked about and it, it just helped me I think what if aid helps me realize that like, Oh, this is not the things I’m experiencing aren’t abnormal, they these things are all very normal things for people to experience when they go through something like this. And that there’s just something and I think that’s why support groups can be so helpful. And group therapy can be so helpful as you realize that you’re you’re not insane. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. You’re not some weird alien type of person, like, like when some people go through similar experiences to this. This is what they experience. And that I couldn’t tell you that that was so so so helpful.

george grombacher 14:15
Yeah, yeah. That that certainly makes sense. To feel like oh, my gosh, you know, it’s interesting, right? It’s like, okay, I am I am, I am not alone. I think sometimes I feel like that my my pain and my experience is unique. And that’s probably not a super healthy thing to want to hold on to. You probably want to get to the point of okay, this is a regular human emotion. This is something that happens to human beings all the time, in fact, and now it’s time to Well, I don’t know that that’s I was just gonna say now’s the time to sort of move on, but I don’t know if that’s right.

Unknown Speaker 14:57
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would agree with It’s not necessarily like, oh, now’s the time to move on. And I’m sure there does become a point where that’s the case. I think what I’ve, what I’ve gotten from it is when I talk to people that have been through similar experiences they talked about, you know, it’s usually a year or two, before you start to realize, or so to kind of come back to feeling like yourself, whatever that even means, per se. And so I think there is a point where you do need to, but I think, I think what people don’t do a super good job of is giving them time and space to heal. And so for me, throughout the time that I’ve been in this in this season, I’ve, I’ve, you know, I’ve specifically like I have blocks on my calendar. And a lot of times it just says healing time. And I’ll use that for, you know, ice baths, I’ll use it for meditation. I’ll use it for breathwork, which is kind of a whole nother nother realm of therapy. I’ll use it for exercise, if that’s what I’m feeling because like, what was interesting was, how much like heavy lifting actually helps move emotions, or at least in my experience, it did. And I’d heard that I’d read about it. And so sometimes, if I felt like I was having a lot of emotions that I was trying to get access to, I would go do some like heavy deadlifts, or squats or bench press or something like that. And sure enough, man, it’d be crazy. But like, I knew, like 1520 minutes of that. And all of a sudden, I was just, like, have tons of emotions, and I would be sobbing or whatever it was, but it felt good to do that. And so, or I’ll hop on the peloton and just do a really tough ride and like it would move those emotions throughout my body, I would be able to feel them. And so to remember what your original question was,

george grombacher 16:36
there’s a lot of wisdom there. Yeah. I think that

Unknown Speaker 16:40
there’s some Yeah, so I was always getting I was like, when you’re in a healing season, a specific especially like, I think it’s good to do throughout the year, but like, especially when you’re in a tough season, you’ve gone through something that you really are feeling it in your body, like having blocks on your calendar, where you learn, like, with the help of a therapist, or coach or a practitioner of some sort, like, what are the ways that you heal? And, and, and sometimes, again, that’s like, I’ll lay down on the floor, and I’ll just set a timer for 30 minutes. And the only objective is to feel, right, feel whatever I’m feeling without the story or the judgment, or whether I should be feeling that or not. It’s just like, What am I feeling? And if that sadness, then it’s just feeling that sadness. And then sometimes you can ask yourself questions around it around, like, what does that emotion need from me what you know, whatever it is, but like, a lot of it was just like, sit in it and and let my let myself actually feel it. Because it’s my best understanding. It’s like, that’s what it takes in order for emotions to travel through our body rather than get stuck in the body.

george grombacher 17:42
I love it. I think that that’s so well said right there. I think that, yeah, sort of the what went through my head is, you know, you when you break your arm or your leg, and you just kind of get sick of having the cast. And so you break it off too soon, and then you don’t allow it to fully Yeah, letting yourself actually and being being smart enough or mindful enough, disciplined enough? whatever the term is to actually schedule the self care in? What a what a huge that is.

Unknown Speaker 18:13
Yeah, it was a huge thing, because I realized, if I didn’t schedule it in, I’d schedule everything else, and then not get to it. Yeah. And so scheduling it in there, and like making it a priority for me was like, you know, schedule it like it. Like it was something important, not just something that was like, Oh, if I get around to this, then I’ll do it. But it’s like, no, this is something that’s is a huge priority for me on this journey.

george grombacher 18:37
Yeah, just to give yourself the space to feel the feelings and to be able to heal or whatever it is. And I love that, you know, you just sort of talked about hitting control, alt, delete, doing the ice bath, talked about lifting or doing a bike ride and, or just laying down doing whatever. Just give yourself as many different opportunities to put your body in as many different states and just pay attention.

Unknown Speaker 19:07
You bet. Yeah, exactly.

george grombacher 19:09
I love it. Well, David, I appreciate you coming back on. I certainly appreciate your openness to share your experience and I know that I certainly took away a lot. How can folks how can folks connect with you?

Unknown Speaker 19:26
Yes, the best way is I like to share a lot of stuff that I do and kind of a journey in general on Instagram so Instagram houses David Gerber website is David a Gerber with a with a in the middle for David A gerber.com is my website. If you’re interested in the coaching company that I work with, it’s Novus dot global so no Vu s dot global. And then, gosh, what else? Who knows I did a TED Talk back in March. And so that’s available on YouTube. We can link to it if you want to And then I also did a I also had a good friend interview me about the healing journey so people want to go deeper. There’s actually like an hour long interview similar kind of stuff to this but I go deeper into some things. So I can if people are interested in that they can email me just David a gerber@gmail.com. I can send them a link to that.

george grombacher 20:19
Perfect. Excellent. Well if you enjoyed this as much as I did, so David, your appreciation and share today’s show with a friend who also appreciates good ideas. Find David on Instagram at David Gerber, da vi d, g, br br find him on the greater internet at David a gerber.com. Find the coaching company at Novus dot global. And I will link to the TED Talk and shoot David an email and stay in touch with them that way. Thanks. Good, David. All right. Thank you. And until next time, keep fighting the good fight. We’re all in this together.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai