Conscious Parenting with Nina Cruz

george grombacher 0:02
One blood for this George G. And the time is right welcome today’s guest strong and powerful. Nina Cruz. Nina, are you ready to do this?

Nina Cruz 0:09
I’m ready for lunch. Thanks for having me.

george grombacher 0:10
I’m excited to have you on let’s go. Nina is a certified conscious parents coach and meditation teacher. She’s on a mission to help parents become more successful parents and happier, excited to have you on Nina, tell us a little about your personal lives more about your work and why you do what you do.

Nina Cruz 0:29
Yeah, well, I’m a mom of two, nine year old and a 12 year old and, you know, I’m a parent coach, you know, and the beauty about being a parent coaches, you actually don’t have to have kids to be coached, you just have to have had a parent. And that’s pretty much everyone. So, you know, I do what I do, because it is so inspiring, and not only from my own journey, and the experiences I’ve had as a mom, and the challenges, you know, you know, pain is the portal. And a lot of the challenges I’ve had, have meant, I’ve been able to support other parents moving through their own challenges. And I do it because I absolutely, not only see the results in the parents life, I see the impact that has on the child, I see the impact it has on the the world really, you know, when one parents world shifted the way they look at the lens through, you know, they see their child, the way they look at themselves and their own identity and their own belief systems. When that’s shifted, and rocked and changed, and you know, to the truth of who they really are, then the ripple effect is significant. And, you know, it changes changes generational patterns, and shifts generational timelines. So it’s really powerful work to actually shift the whole planet.

george grombacher 2:03
Nice, there’s there, there is a lot there for sure. To, to unpack pain is the portal, tell me more about that.

Nina Cruz 2:13
Yeah, often we grow up. But you know, majority of people grow up, really unable to express their feelings and move through their feelings. And this is because the generational parenting is to, to just get on with it, you just got to do you’ve got to be tough, and especially with boys, the message is often, you know, toughen up, you get on with it, don’t feel, you know, and feeling is actually, you know, part of this journey, we’re actually, you know, here to feel and experience this world of duality, which we live in. And being able to move through your own feelings. And express them in healthy ways, actually allows you to tap into your heart and actually be into that infinite space in your heart. And, you know, be able to parent from your heart, not from your head and from control and fear, which is the dominant parenting paradigm. So it is just so powerful when a parent begins to feel, and realize that it’s actually not as scary as we think, because we’ve been conditioned to to just do, we’re like doers. And when we become when we can start to be before we do and actually feel what’s going on inside of us we actually heal a lot of our own childhood legacies, and our own wounding as a child, which is, is part of the plan. We’re all wounded in some way, shape, or form, no blame, but so the pain that we can feel, and we are able to move through it. It’s actually the portal for growth. It’s the portal for wisdom is the portal for being able to actually show up in the moment with ourselves and with our child. Without all the conditions that we’ve been kind of like, met with marinated in marinating in since we were a child. So the pain is the way in. It’s like you know, an alchemist. You have you start with base metal, you have to alchemize and move through the lead which is in our in our terms in our stuff in our conditioning in our BS belief systems. You have to move through that in order to transform it and turn it into gold and turn it into magic and we can only go through it we have to go through to transform we can’t just Take a pill or we can just go, You know what, I’m going to park it there. And let’s just think happy thoughts. And let’s do mantras on I am happy, I’m happy, because that’s just creating more unhappiness. So the pain, the moving through your own stuff is is generally the starting point to become aware of actually, what am I holding? And what what emotions, you know, I’m getting angry all the time with my child, or I’m getting angry when someone cuts me off on the road. Like, what’s that about? Because I can guarantee you it’s not about the person on the road. And it’s not about your child.

george grombacher 5:38
Moore really great stuff. You know, I don’t know if I’ve ever connected that belief system. The it’s it’s BS. But that’s, that’s, that’s, for most of us. That’s it’s very, very correct. And I love I mean, I think that everything you’re talking about is certainly spot on. And as a parent myself, I tried to be present and mindful. And I wish that I were an enlightened being, and I was fully available for my kids. And I was the perfect parent. But I realized that we’re all works in progress, so and so going in with the intention of I’m going to continue to try and make myself better and in so doing, I’m going to be a great parent.

Nina Cruz 6:38
Yeah, well, perfect screws you up. So perfect. The pattern perfect. It’s a idealization, you know, where we need to be, when you can just see my child is my bass greatest teacher. And you go into the dynamic as what is my child teaching me? Not? What am I trying to teach my child, when you flip that whole dynamic, and that that whole paradigm where my child is, is not less than and I’m not greater than as a parent, I don’t have to instill everything into my child, when you turn that around, the magic happens. And it’s a very different dynamic, because you’re always bringing it back to yourself and like, what’s that about? Me? What’s come up inside of me? Not you need to you, you, you are you doing this? Are you that’s giving your power away? When you take it back? And you call it home? And you go, what is it about me, that’s empowerment, and we all want our children to be resilient, empowerment, empowered. But the thing is, when you look at it, we don’t want them to yell at us. We don’t want them to speak up to us. We don’t want them to, you know, be empowered. And but we want them to talk up to the bully, or we want them to speak up to you know, when they’re in their 20s be able to say no, I don’t want the drugs or the alcohol. But we’re not giving them the opportunities in our own home, to mess up to speak up to fall apart to be emotional. We’re not allowing that space for the mess, mess and the chaos to learn and grow and actually move, move through their own pain, and not rescue them from their life experiences. They’ve got unique life experiences occurring under our roof. And often, all the time actually. Because when it happens, we can’t be with our own stuff. We rescue them, we want to go perfect, it has to be perfect. They have to be happy, successful children. And that is a fantasy. And that is the illusion of parenting. Because that we can’t give them happiness. They be happy, it’s from them. So we’re always trying to give you know this this whole we need to make them happy, or we need to do this for them. Let go of all that you’ll feel free you’ll have freedom, you’ll give them freedom to be who they are. And the whole dynamic shifts.

george grombacher 9:03
I love it. It’s a trap to try and make things perfect fool’s errand stupid idea.

Nina Cruz 9:11
Well, yeah, I mean, you know, that’s because, you know, there’s an attachment to well, maybe as a child, I needed to be perfect to be loved, or I needed to be this to be I had to be perfect. Maybe, you know, you had perfectionist parents, there was high discipline, you were punished. So fear and control. We have we have our ego, which lives inside of us in our head, in our mind, has to feel safe. So if safety is perfect, then that’s what it’s known. It knows and the ego is always going after what it knows and how can I keep you safe and that’s the thing we transported into adulthood and we’re trying to adult but we’re actually still have those childhood legacies and those childhood patterns is playing out that are kind of hijacking us. So we can’t show up. As an adult, we react to our kids we want to control we want to shut down, we want to punish you want to send them to their room, when what I’m trying to say is that’s got nothing to do with your child. And that’s, that’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes, because you want to our ego wants to blame someone.

george grombacher 10:25
That is definitely true. That is definitely true. And, you know, it’s it’s, it’s, it’s all a win, obviously, you’re, you’re, you’re you’re providing a wonderful home and safe upbringing for a child. So there’s not a right or wrong way to do it necessarily. And even if you did make it perfect, well, then they’re going to, you know, be adults that that that never had to deal with the adversity. And if it’s really terrible, then they’re going to have that set of problems. So I don’t know, if I’m expressing myself correctly.

Nina Cruz 11:05
Yeah, no, you just pass on the same perfectionist, you pass on the same patterns, the generational patterning, just gets passed down the pipeline. So then they feel they need to be perfect, or they need to be good enough, or they need to be lovable. And then that means that there’s certain things they do and B, to assure them that they’re going to be loved, or they’re going to be perfect. And, you know, that’s why we have such high anxiety in children and, and, you know, gaming issues, as you know, that, that, you know, there’s this escapism, because maybe they’re not being able to be with their feelings, that if they yell and they lose it, then that’s, you know, maybe they won’t be loved, or then they suppress it. So what, you know, we, as a parent, suppress gets expressed through our child.

george grombacher 12:04
Happy with their feelings, one of my favorite quotes is from Blaise Pascal, it’s like the majority of humanity’s problems is stemmed by their inability to sit quietly in a room by themselves. So that’s essentially what we’re talking about is I want my child the two and hopefully third in the future to be able to grapple with their feelings, good and bad, and to interrogate them and be able to sit say, Okay, why do I think this way? Why am I feeling this way? And not to be, you know, let the tail wag the dog kind of thing. So, so how do I do that? How do I, how do I cite from what we’ve been talking about?

Nina Cruz 12:42
Well, that’s the thing, you do it, you don’t do it for your kid, you kid, you’re not telling your kid to do it, you’re doing it. And you’re the example. And they’re seeing it through you that you, you know, often we’re like, my child doesn’t hear me. But I guarantee you, they’re watching, they’re watching, they’re seeing the discrepancies in us as parents, like, oh, you tell me this, and you’re doing that you tell me get off the phone, and you’re on the phone. 24/7. So they’re, they’re seeing everything. And, you know, you can’t make your child do anything, you can’t Yes, of course, you can feed them into it and control them. But you can’t make them they’re going to have their own unique journey, their own experiences. And we become the guide, we become the guide for them, we’re kind of their, you know, spiritual guide along the way, available. And, you know, just allowing them to unfold, we’re not trying to create this super child. Because if we don’t, we’re gonna feel like we didn’t do enough. And that’s our own stuff. So often, we’re projecting our unmet needs of childhood, onto our child. So when we call all those parts of ourselves home, and take full responsibility for ourselves, and how we’re showing up, we then can actually show up, empty neutral in the moment without all the stuff that we can hold on to. And when something does show up, we go Hmm, interesting. I wonder why I felt like I needed to control that or wonder why I told my child this. And then we look at it and we we ponder on it. And we ask ourselves, what was that about? Because when you know that everything going on, is none of that. Nothing about what’s going on on the outside. It’s all from a space within you. It’s all happening inside you and when you see life happening for you and all the opportunities that are going on, you know, the challenges that you may be having with your child that they’re there to grow you up in some way and support you on your Journey, it becomes a different dynamic and a different parenting journey than if you come at it, like, I have to create this child, I have to go, like tell them everything they need to be doing. They need to know what’s right and wrong, they already know they are already divine beings, they are already in it. We don’t have to create anything. And when you allow, firstly, you take off all this anxiety of the child that we’re dumping on the child to be this and that and do this and that. And when you focus on connection before any action, that, you know, firstly, am I connected to myself, and then I want to connect to my child before any homework being done any correction, any consequence. When you do that, it it shifts and the child’s drawn to they feel this drawing towards you, because you’ve given them the safety net, you’ve given the boundaries, which are really healthy for children. And, you know, they can then just relax and be and know that, you know, they’re human, we’re human. We’re not asking them to be anything other than that, and then what they are what’s showing up right now. And that’s the hard part of parenting and parenting is accepting what is right now. Because I find my parenting from the future or parenting from the past.

george grombacher 16:28
super powerful. Yeah, thinking about our, our triggers, and our frustrations and the things that make me mad as as gifts, because they’re clues to where I need to be pulling the string and investigating. Oh, that’s, that’s, that’s weird. Why did that make me so upset? Like, okay. That’s definitely a shift that I think is really beneficial for me.

Nina Cruz 16:54
And the next level is feeling that feeling that’s coming up. Because Because otherwise, that feeling has power over you. So if you feel that feeling like yeah, I felt powerless. So what do I want to do, I want to control my child. And then, you know, feel that feeling is powerless, because you’re gonna trace that back, it’ll be something happened in childhood, it’s stemming from something, some experience that was never felt. And when you feel that, and it might show up for months, because you know, we’ve got decades of stuff that we’ve may have found on to feel that feeling, then we’re actually releasing that feeling. So that next time you go into a similar moment, or a moment with your child, like, I’m not triggered, and I’m not getting angry, I’m not yelling, and I don’t feel anything, I’m neutral. And then you know, that, you know, you’ve you’ve actually healed that. And you’re, it’s not, you know, taking control over you. And it’s not, you’re not giving your power away, or taking your power back, because you felt the feeling that is actually life trying to get you to feel a feeling and actually move through what you’ve been suppressing and avoiding. For decades, possibly,

george grombacher 18:12
yeah, for sure. For sure. I love the way you’re talking about the alchemy, that it’s not, we wave a magic wand, and all of a sudden, I’m all better, then we need to give ourselves grace and patience, just as we extend that to our children, to be able to work through these things, and that I am a work in progress like that. Those are my words. But I think that that’s such an important thing. And I think also empowering that. I’m going to continue to make mistakes, but the idea is that I’m consistently working to get better.

Nina Cruz 18:50
Yeah, and, you know, it’d be honest with your kids. Yeah, you know what, I messed up, I yelled, and you know why I yelled, because I had this thing in childhood, I did explain to them the stories you speak to your children, about your history, and they understand are powerful, and they listen. And you own it, you’re not pointing the finger, you’re owning it, and they’re like, Wow, mom or dad messes up, they clean it up, they repair it, and I understand it, and they get a deeper understanding and connection of you, and why you do what you do. And that also helps them to think okay, well, it’s not about me Dad’s getting angry because of that, you know, and that is a really powerful piece when when you can start to take responsibility for your stuff. And and then your children you’ll you’ll see they’re nearing that to you that they’ll do something and they’ll they’ll repair it

george grombacher 19:48
what about when they do something really dumb? Just I’m just I’m just kidding. Like, like a million things. Tell me So I’m actually just, I’m just kidding, my, my six year old boys are absolutely perfect and

Nina Cruz 20:11
well, remembering, you know, this is also important that we signed up for the crazy, we signed up for the chaos, we signed up, you know, sometimes I think to myself cheese parenting is dangerous, the amount of hits you get, and the bumps to get, you know, all of a sudden the hands on you, and they hit you and, you know, it can be a dangerous event. But we we signed up for it. And, you know, even if your child did, you know, I don’t know, something really crazy and something you can’t even, you know, you can’t even believe they did you still bring it back to what is that making me feel. Because the journey is always about what’s going on inside of us. And, and that’s when we can relearn and understand of bringing it back to us, and then showing up for our child. It’s a different, you know, experience, and it’s going to create a different result. You know, we’re all about results and getting, you know, but the result only happens when we shift inside of ourselves. There’s, you know, because we grew up in a world of, you know, where we’re looking out, and looking outwards, we will now shifting that looking in, and then that that totally shifts the mirror. And then the whole timeline check, the whole story will change before you without you doing anything to your child.

george grombacher 21:41
I think it’s immensely powerful. Well, yeah, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people learn more? Where can people learn more about you? How can they engage with you?

Nina Cruz 21:51
Yes. So I do do 30 minute discovery calls to see if you know where they fit. And if it’s something they want to move further down the track the journey, because, you know, obviously you have to be ready you have to be committed to do the inner work, which which kind of was you know, isn’t always easy, because it’s really taking full responsibility. But the magic and the results and the power and that you feel and the freedom that you feel is is priceless. So I’m on all the general channels. I’ve got a website called Nina cruise conscious coaching.com Instagram, Nina at Nina cruise coach, Facebook, Nina cruise conscious coaching. And I think I’m on LinkedIn. I don’t not as active there, but it’s just been a cruise. And yeah, so you know, I’m available on all those different social media outlets, as well as my website where you can find some content you can find you can book in for the free discovery calls. And or just message me

george grombacher 23:02
excellent. If you enjoyed as much as I did show Nina your appreciation and share today’s show with a friend who also appreciates good ideas finding on social media, which I list in the notes of the show, and then go to Nina Cruz conscious coaching.com And check out other great resources and get scheduled for a 30 minute discovery call to find out if it is a good fit for you and what you are trying to accomplish. And go from there. Thanks good, Nina. Thanks, George.

Nina Cruz 23:31
Thanks for having me.

george grombacher 23:33
And until next time, remember, do your part by doing your best

Transcribed by https://otter.ai