When it comes to getting what you want in life, do you feel like it’s a matter of sheer luck because you’re so used to helping others get what they want and sacrificing yourself? Or do you try hard to control circumstances because you feel entitled to things going your way?
Though these seem like opposite traits, being a martyr versus feeling entitled, they both indicate low self-worth. Whether you’re sacrificing your needs/wants or aggressively pursuing them, let’s take a look at what motivates these behaviors so you can empower yourself to do something different.
Therefore, it pays to figure out how to expand your consciousness container and see yourself as worthwhile, worthy and lovable…because you are.
This blog describes the seventh of nine attributes of a Loving Self-Advocate (LSA), this one being in the mental/spiritual realm. A LSA is a woman who is holistically balanced, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She knows her worth and how to get her needs met in a healthy way.
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Recap of the First 6 Attributes
To read more about the other attributes, see below. Learn how to move away from the extremes and move towards a holistic, balanced path.
Attribute #7 of a Loving Self Advocate – Honoring Your Worth
So what is the difference? When our worth comes from a place of “God doesn’t make junk. I’m a creation of the Universe, and so I must not be junk. I deserve to be here,” we have this energy of appreciation, awe, and gratitude to be alive. Worth comes from a place of love of life and knowing our value as a human being, having a spiritual experience.
Being entitled is expecting life to go a certain way so that we can stay safe, comfortable and appeased. It’s sort of like reassuring a child who is having a temper tantrum. There is a very immature energy back of entitlement.
We are worthy of everything but entitled to nothing is saying the same thing because both sentiments come from the same energetic space of love and appreciation for life on life’s terms.
Why Care About Honoring Your Worth?
You can probably imagine how this would impact you.
Think about some of the most delightful moments you’ve had in your life. Were they planned, or did they just seem to happen out of nowhere?
As I was walking out of Schnucks the other day, I giggled and my heart sang as I witnessed the miracle of a rainbow. Rainbows always fill me with such hope, the joy after the storm. Don’t ya love a good paradox of “good” and “bad”–The messy rainstorm mixed with the glee of the gorgeous reward at the end.
The annoying financial bugaboo that you’ve been toiling with for weeks just disappears like mist on a foggy night. It just resolves itself with no effort of yours.
The stranger at the grocery store decides to buy your groceries. You get a lovely card in the mail from a friend you’ve not spoken to in years.
These little winks from the Universe were not expected. You didn’t feel entitled to any of them. When they happened, though, you were present to them. You gave them your full attention.
Another way to describe this way of living is “Living in Love and Truth from Moment to Moment,” to borrow Alex Loyd’s phrase (author of The Healing Code).
When you live an entitled life, everything has a way of knocking you down and disappointing you. It’s like you wear this eternal pout, like a child who lost its marbles.
Option 1–Martyr Quiz (checkmark the statements that resonate with you)
- I have to sacrifice my needs and wants for others who are much more vocal and aggressive than me.
- They don’t really care about me; they just use me to get what they need and then throw me away.
- I don’t express my wants or needs–why bother–no one will listen anyway.
- The only way to get my way is to manipulate others into liking me by making them laugh or pleasing them in some way.
- I covertly try to get my way by flattering others and charming them.
- When someone calls me out on my passive-aggressive behavior, I want to hide because I feel so ashamed.
- I am very defensive when I feel blamed or misunderstood.
- I don’t matter or deserve to get my needs/wants met.
- When conversations get tough, I shut down emotionally and want to isolate myself, feeling like a victim of life’s unfair circumstances.
- When I get hurt and take things personally, I close my heart to another. I don’t tell them. I simply harden my heart and no longer trust them.
- When potential clients tell me no, I shut down and stop trying because of the pain, rejection, and disappointment.
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, you may have some martyr tendencies. I know it’s part of my human design.
We don’t have to feel ashamed of such wiring. The key is to become aware and choose something different. This change isn’t easy because your old identity will beckon to you, “Come back!” it will wail. It will throw tantrums when it senses you are changing.
Any change you try to make will be perceived as a death threat to the EGO. There is a tipping point when you truly DECIDE you are moving forward regardless of the need to self-protect. You are putting LOVE first, SERVICE first.
Option 2–Entitled Quiz (checkmark the statements that resonate with you)
- Life should go my way. When it doesn’t, everyone feels my pain.
- I am impatient and vindictive when others don’t listen, believe and behave as I think they should.
- I am indignant and judgmental when others don’t agree with my advice, thus creating disconnection between us.
- I have little patience when learning new things and get frustrated when things don’t go according to plan.
- Technology and life should flow, and when they don’t, I feel very out of control, like I’m being messed with.
- I don’t like it when others ask me to do too much because I get overwhelmed easily.
- I respond to people when I feel like it. I’m not the most courteous about getting back to others, if I’m being honest.
- I set strong boundaries with others but don’t like it when they set them with me.
- It’s hard to build my business or get promoted at work, because I’m negatively impacted by the volatility of life.
- I easily give up on my goals and have low emotional pain tolerance.
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, you have some entitlement issues. Don’t feel bad about this. I see just how entitled I’ve felt my whole life, to things looking a certain way and unfolding as I want them to.
This energy feels like a bratty energy, and it is. It’s childish and immature. This makes sense because our subconscious beliefs are mostly formed by the time we are 8 years old. This means many of our beliefs are outdated and child-like. We need to upgrade them if we’re going to be grounded adults.
6 Steps For Honoring Your Worth as a Loving Self Advocate
Note: these are the ideal behaviors to honor your worth. I do my best to move in this direction but don’t practice all of them as written. I give a personal example with the gratitude journal though because I have mastered that practice.
I Keep a Daily Gratitude Journal
Though this may seem like a simple thing, it is profound. Personally, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for at least 20 years. I write down at least 5 things I’m grateful for each day in a pretty journal, “I am grateful for….”
I write gratitude items for the simple things, like “I’m grateful to enjoy a homemade chicken pot pie with my husband.” “I am grateful to help _______.” “I’m grateful for my morning self-care routine.” “I am grateful to play cards with my hubbie.”
We take things for granted, and keeping a gratitude journal puts the everyday things front and center. Yes, I still complain at times, but I do find it pretty easy to come up with many things I’m grateful for. This raises my vibration and switches my focus to a more positive one.
I Prefer Things
I don’t require anything to be a certain way. No matter what happens, I will find the gift in it–there is almost always a silver lining. I may not know what the gift is at the time, but once I have enough space between me and the event, I can find it.
I prefer for things to unfold a certain way, but I’m OK if nothing changes because I truly appreciate life as it IS unfolding, without strong attachments to outcomes. It is about the journey and the delights I find along the way.
I realize life owes me no particular favors. I honor the fact that I exist and have a life. I value my worth. I’m grateful for all I currently have and am.
I Express Gratitude
I Don’t Compare Myself
I let go of comparisons to others; I am unique. All that I need to focus on is being more loving and accepting of myself today than I was yesterday. I compare my efforts to what I did yesterday. That’s the only thing that makes sense to do because no one else is living my story.
Life is not a competition. It’s only when I am feeling insecure do I feel the need to judge or criticize myself or others.
I Cannot Be Rejected
I’m worthy and lovable whether they receive my love and/or return it. They don’t have to return my call, email, message, text, etc. for me to know I’m worthy.
No one can reject me, except me, by the story I tell about their lack of response, “Oh did I make them upset? I know they’re thinking badly about me.” Do I really know this? NO.
My Money and Weight Don’t Determine My Worth
My worth is independent of the number on the scale and the amount in my bank account. I used to feel ashamed if I gained weight or didn’t have enough money to cover my bills.
Now I know that what really determines my worth is my inner measurement of my worth, not some outer circumstance I don’t control.
“Was I thoughtful to my spouse today? Did I hug my kids and my dog? Did I do a kind deed today and make someone feel special? Did I smile at everyone I saw?”