Setting Boundaries with Jan and Jillian Yuhas

eorge grombacher 0:01
Jan and Jillian you Haas are m as they are MF T’s they’re working help individuals create remarkable relationships elevate their value and set boundaries like badass is their newest book is boundary badass. Welcome to the show, Jan and Jillian,

Jan Yuhas 0:18
thank you for having us.

george grombacher 0:20
Yeah, excited to have you on. It’s always fun with two people. Tell us a little about your personal lives more about your work and what motivated you to put pen to paper and write the book.

Jan Yuhas 0:33
Um, so she and I grew up in a very small town of about 900 people and then moved to a metropolitan city, Chicago, 3 million. So that was a bit of a culture shock. So we really had to learn where our limitations were, and really hone in on our of like family values in order to really set boundaries. Because once you move to that big kind of city, you sort of think everybody is your friend, but not everyone has your best interest. So we learned very quickly the hard way you could say

george grombacher 1:03
appreciate that. And do you have a background in writing, it’s no small feat to just write a book,

Jillian Yuhas 1:10
we actually don’t have a background in writing, our background is in psychology. So marriage and family therapy is what our background is in. And we are also certified mediators. So I would say emotional and relationship intelligence is our background. And so we help people in regards to really honing in on how to elevate their own value within their relationships, but also elevate the relationship itself personally and professionally within their lives.

george grombacher 1:40
Appreciate that. So is it safe to say that you are related to one another?

Jan Yuhas 1:46
Yes, we are identical twins, we’re three minutes apart. We have a lot of similarities. But differences too, I would say we’re sort of, we complement each other in a great way in terms when it comes to our like goals in life. But then we also have our differences when it comes to personality. So we think, very similar for the long term goal. But how we get there, we can be very much different. I’m more of a detailed person, and she’s more big picture kind of person. So yeah, and when

Jillian Yuhas 2:14
we were writing the book, we were actually writing it simultaneously when we can finish each other’s sentences, or we will delete things, we will be locked logged into Google so we can be our own residence. But at the same time, we’re on the same document. And we’ll be deleting and rewriting each other’s sentences. So yeah,

george grombacher 2:32
it’s a, it’s interesting. And I’m sure it’s something that y’all spend a lot of time thinking about is, it’s, it’s unique for siblings to have their boundaries within the household. But when you’re identical twins, that’s a whole nother level, I guess.

Jan Yuhas 2:50
It is, but I think too, I think what makes us being twins as unique is when it comes to relationships, we’ve always sort of considered how it may impact the other person, especially if they’re involved in that making that decision. So when it came to, let’s say, business goals, for instance, like we would consult with each other before making a decision, where a lot of times in relationships, whether it’s personal or business people will take unilateral decision making and to a whole nother level without considering how it’s going to impact the other person or the relationship. So say part

Jillian Yuhas 3:23
of our like boundary badass method is having a we mindset over a me mindset. A lot of times out there people set boundaries from a mean mindset, because they’re protecting their own needs and their safety, which is important. But when you have relationships, you have two different perspectives that might be opposing. And so we have to come together and negotiate based on a mutual or shared value within that relationship in order to have a an agreement that benefits the relationship as a whole, which is the we mindset.

george grombacher 3:59
Shared values is that one of the linchpins.

Jillian Yuhas 4:03
So shared values, we help people develop their top five values to operate on in regards to a daily basis. And so when you’re in alignment with your values, that’s your authentic truth. And your values is how we set boundaries within our relationships and connections with other people, because our bound our values actually meet our emotional needs on a deeper level without coming across emotional when you’re trying to resolve conflict or differences or disconnect within the relationship itself.

george grombacher 4:34
So you How did you find yourself focused on boundaries?

Jan Yuhas 4:42
Well, I think it began we started using them in business before we ever did in our personal relationships. And so being able to establish boundaries with clients who’ve made weren’t necessarily honoring like the agreement, or they’re trying to push the boundary outside of the contractual agreements, and that’s when you really honed in using our psychology skills and values to try to keep the peace with our client and manage clients in a way that was effective. But also, it created that mutual respect, working collaboratively together with them. And then we realize we need to put them more into our personal romantic relationships and realize that we always spoke up. But you can’t speak nicely from a place of emotion if you’re trying to resolve conflict, because that only heightens the matter. And values are universally understood where emotions are often one sided. And that’s where we realize we need to really use this in our personal relationships, to maintain that mutual respect in a way that promoted growth.

george grombacher 5:46
And you recognize it, and then you look around you say, You know what, I think that there’s probably a lot of people out here that don’t have maybe never thought about boundaries, maybe they thought about it, but they’re not they they don’t have the mechanism or the will to to keep them. Correct.

Jan Yuhas 6:04
It’s not taught in school, they’re not taught in the home. So it is something that almost everybody does have to learn at some point in their life, when they realize that they want to actually grow their relationships, or promote growth overall in their entire lifestyle and have those personal boundaries as well. So we have to realize, okay, what’s not working and what needs to work and then hone in and have that integrity and accountability, because that’s where we’re going to thrive in life and be able to achieve our goals,

Jillian Yuhas 6:32
and the more self respect we have for ourselves, we will receive that respect from other people, because people treat us the way we actually carry our own energy, our own confidence and self respect in our lives.

george grombacher 6:44
Yeah, I definitely appreciate that, certainly. So what’s not working what needs to work, making sure that I am that I have self respect that I have self worth. And so I can stand up for myself and say, No, this, these are the values that are important to me, we need to be on the same page with these.

Jillian Yuhas 7:06
Well, we need to find common ground. So even if somebody say to people that have the same value, such as communication, that might look very different for each person within that relationship, it also might look very different based on whether it’s a personal relationship or professional relationship. So we have to figure out what that communication looks like in regards to each person’s perspective to find that common ground. So for instance, one person may value more assertive communication where someone else made me more passive. So

Jan Yuhas 7:36
how do we create that synergy in regards to how we each communicate, or let’s say, you know, in your personal relationships, your significant other wants to communicate multiple times throughout the day, but you only have time to communicate at the start of the day in the end of the day? So how do we make that compromise in order to find alignment, so that way each person is fulfilled in that relationship around communication? Or in terms of like, let’s say business, having a 24 hour response time might be effective with your clients?

george grombacher 8:10
So how do you how do you hash that out? How do we figure that stuff out? Just talking, thinking ourselves when

Jan Yuhas 8:17
it comes to using the boundary methods? So we would, if it’s a personal relationship, we might say I feel or I think with unsay what we are feeling, but then when it comes, and then we say I value either consistent communication, constructive communication, open communication, how are we going to improve our communication channels with each other, or, more or less get on the same page?

Jillian Yuhas 8:43
So then you would ask discovery questions to really understand the other person’s mindset, like, how often do you want to communicate? And these are open ended questions that help us understand the other person’s perspective. And then they might say, I’m only comfortable communicating, like she said, at the start of the day, at the end of the day, like I need to really focus on work when I’m at work, what works for you, how often were you thinking, communicate, we would communicate throughout the day. So then that’s where you try to find the common ground. And that becomes kind of a negotiation process in order to reach that mutually agreed upon plan of action. And you might come to an agreement that, okay, I understand, it’s really important to you, that you want to communicate throughout the day multiple times. How about, I’ll try to make time on my lunch break to, you know, give you a quick text or call you see how you’re doing CL like, you know, the kids are doing whatever is going on in that part of your partner’s life in order to make sure that you have that touch within the connection itself. And that way each person is, like she said, being fulfilled within the relationship itself.

Jan Yuhas 9:46
I think too, with the boundary method. It’s allows us to address certain problems or differences or disconnects with ease like so many people get fearful of conflict where this is allowing us to actually advocate Speak up, and not actually have another argument because we’re actually trying to work with the other person versus say, Hey, you did this or you’re not doing this? Well, we don’t want to, we want to use I statements, not use statements, because that’s going to allow us to take ownership of what we need, which is also going to allow the other person to be receptive. Oh, we are addressing with them, and assessing further.

Jillian Yuhas 10:22
And I think a lot of another big misconception out there is people will use ultimatums as a boundary such as, if you don’t contact me all day long, then XYZ is going to happen. Well, that’s a threat or demand, and it’s not going to be received well by the other party. And so this is why we have to find come together and have teamwork and unity in order to find the balance of what works for everybody.

george grombacher 10:46
That’s all really, really powerful stuff. And do you think that we’re, are we sort of is our default to say you do this, and you are making me feel this way versus saying, I really want to be able to have open and honest communication.

Jillian Yuhas 11:05
So yes, it is the default. And that’s our reactive voice, rather than a responsive voice. So when we get in a reactive state, that’s when we start blaming or attacking the other person. And instead, we want to come from a calm demeanor, and be responsive, saying, This is what I need. And sometimes that might look like taking a break saying, You know what, right now, I’m not in a place to have this conversation. Can we talk about it later tonight after dinner? Or can we talk about it tomorrow morning, but make sure you set that time as to when you’re going to talk about it. That way, both people have clarity, that is not just going to get shoved under the rug, and you are going to revisit this conversation to find a resolution.

george grombacher 11:45
It sounds like when I do have high self worth. And then I am in a better position to advocate for myself calmly say, hey, there’s a lot going on right now. It’s not making me happy. I’m upset about these things. I want things to be going this way, can we have a conversation about it versus You’re ruining everything?

Jan Yuhas 12:10
Yeah, and so that the meal immediately when you attack someone, they’re going to get defensive, or Stonewall, or they’re going to have that trauma response. So we’re trying to help eliminate that. Because that only, like I said, fuels the fire. And we’re actually trying to put the water on the fire and cool things down. So we can be constructive, because we can’t resolve conflict if we don’t actually hear what the other person is saying, in order to find that compromise.

george grombacher 12:38
And I think we’ve already talked about this. But I want to try to, I want to try to figure it out and kind of come full circle. So let’s just use my wife and I, I have we’re working to have better relationship. So I it’s important that I sit down and think about what is most important to me, it’s important she does as well. And then we do this kind of Venn diagram where we find the overlaps.

Jan Yuhas 13:05
So it would be helpful if you guys each identify your five values, and then see where you have overlap in regards to those values. And then really hone in. So we like to when working with couples, we really tried to help them identify the overlap and value. So usually three out of five can be really helpful to find that better alignment. And someone might say I value honesty. And the other person might say, well, I value transparency. Obviously there’s some overlap in those values. But you could find that compromise around those two values in regards to trying to find alignment based on differences that may be coming up. And so trying to find we’re honing in on the values, and then you would say, you know, I feel undermined, did when there’s a lack of transparency, when talking about what needs to happen within the home, I value transparency, how can we work on that together so that way, we’re on the same page going forward.

george grombacher 14:07
I love it. And I imagine that for the most part, people can find that crossover those shared values, because you’re probably not dating somebody or in a relationship with somebody who’s totally different than you are, but I’m wrong a lot.

Jillian Yuhas 14:25
I think a lot of times what happens there’s a whole nother layer layer when it comes to being in a romantic relationship. A lot of it also will attachment style will also play out because our attachment styles usually comes from our childhood with one of our parents with our terms of how we attach to our parents. So sometimes that will also be another layer that plays out in romantic relationships. Usually it doesn’t so much in business or professional relationships. But yeah, but it’s

Jan Yuhas 14:53
important when looking at you know, an organization or company is really honing in on the values because that’s where The organization is going to thrive based on what they value. And like you said, if there’s you’re dealing with team projects, or working on a team, being able to talk about what productivity looks like or talk about, you know, integrity, that’s going to be really important in order to maintain an overall team mentality to

george grombacher 15:20
I don’t imagine that we’re ever done with this, or we can just put it in a drawer and file it away. What is maintenance or hygiene look like for boundaries,

Jillian Yuhas 15:32
it’s really important that we have our own integrity with our own values on a daily basis and our own boundaries. Because that’s what’s gonna give you internal peace and fulfillment in life and feel like you have not only respect yourself, but mutual respect within your relationships. I think growth is a never ending process in life. And I truly think we always have something to keep learning. And we happen to enjoy learning and keep elevating. So it’s always going to be part of your life, just like the same as if you get up and shower every morning and brush your teeth, it just happens to be one of those things that really bring us a healthy and fulfilled lifestyle. Also, too, I

Jan Yuhas 16:14
think when you if you look at your five values every morning, and like, okay, which 3am I going to honor and then at the end of the day, look at what actions you took the honor those values, and that’s what’s going to help maintain that personal alignment. But then also, we’re going to recognize if someone sort of goes against one of those values, which they may not be aware of your values. But if someone sort of breaches your value in that certain nature, then that’s your cue to speak up and say something because it’s going to feel like a fire alarm going off inside of your body like this doesn’t feel good. And your intuition is going to kick in. And that’s going to be your cue to say, you know, I value whatever it is, you know, and set the boundary and talk about it and open up the conversation. Boundaries are about opening up the conversation to connect.

george grombacher 17:06
I love it. Well, what do you hope that people get out of the book boundary badass when they pick it up?

Jillian Yuhas 17:15
I hope they’re able to connect deeper to their inner voice and realize that everybody has something valuable to offer to a relationship. And we don’t have to go through life not feeling heard or understood. But we can really speak up in a way that with ease and create connection within our relationships from a peaceful place.

george grombacher 17:36
Love it. Well, Jan and Jillian, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people learn more about you? How can they connect and where can they get their copy of a boundary? That is?

Jillian Yuhas 17:45
Yes, you can connect with us at either Jan and jillian.com or you can check out the book at boundary badass.com And you can get it on Amazon. Excellent.

george grombacher 17:55
Well if you enjoyed this as much as I did show Jan and Jillian your appreciation share today share with a friend who also appreciates good ideas go to Jan and jillian.com go to boundary badass.com And check out everything that they are working on Get your copy and start advocating for yourself and improving your relationship and your value and start setting better boundaries. Thanks again John and Julian.

Jillian Yuhas 18:21
Thanks for having us.

george grombacher 18:23
Till next time, remember, do your part by doing your best

george grombacher 16:00
So if I want my iPhone, and my Tesla and my Bitcoin to work, we need to get the metal out of the ground.

Pierre Leveille 16:07
Absolutely. Without it, we cannot do it.

george grombacher 16:13
Why? Why is there a Why has production been going down.

Pierre Leveille 16:21
Because the large mines that are producing most of the copper in the world, the grades are going down slowly they’re going there, they’re arriving near the end of life. So and of life of mines in general means less production. And in the past, at least 15 years, the exploration expenditure for copper were pretty low, because the price of copper was low. And when the price is low, companies are tending to not invest more so much in exploration, which is what we see today. It’s it’s, it’s not the way to look at it. Because nobody 15 years ago was able to predict that there would be a so massive shortage, or it’s so massive demand coming. But in the past five years, or let’s say since the since 10 years, we have seen that more and more coming. And then the by the time you react start exploring and there’s more money than then ever that is putting in put it in expression at the moment for copper at least. And what we see is that the it takes time, it could take up to 2025 years between the time you find a deposit that it gets in production. So but but the year the time is counted. So it’s it’s very important to so you will see company reopening old mines, what it will push also, which is not bad, it will force to two, it will force to find a it will force to find ways of recalibrating customer, you know the metals, that will be more and more important.

george grombacher 18:07
So finding, okay, so for lack of a better term recycling metals that are just sitting around somewhere extremely important. Yeah. And then going and going back to historic minds that maybe for lack of technology, or just lack of will or reasons, but maybe now because there’s such a demand, there’s an appetite to go back to those.

Pierre Leveille 18:33
Yes, but there will be a lot of failures into that for many reasons. But the ones that will be in that will resume mining it’s just going to be a short term temporary solution. No it’s it’s not going to be you need to find deposit that will that will operate 50 years you know at least it’s 25 to 50 years at least and an old mind that you do in production in general it’s less than 10 years.

george grombacher 19:03
Got it. Oh there we go. Up here. People are ready for your difference making tip What do you have for them

Pierre Leveille 19:14
You mean an investment or

george grombacher 19:17
whatever you’re into, you’ve got so much life experience with raising a family and doing business all over the world and having your kids go to school in Africa so a tip on copper or whatever you’re into.

Pierre Leveille 19:34
But there’s two things I like to see and I was telling my children many times and I always said you know don’t focus on what will bring you specifically money don’t think of Getting Rich. Think of doing what you what you like, what you feel your your your your your, you know you have been born to do so use your most you skills, do what you like, do what you wet well, and good things will happen to you. And I can see them grow in their life. And I can tell you that this is what happens. And sometimes you have setback like I had recently. But if we do things properly, if we do things that we like, and we liked that project, we were very passionate about that project, not only me, all my team, and if we do things properly, if we do things correctly, good things will happen. And we will probably get the project back had to go forward or we will find another big project that will be the launch of a new era. So that’s my most important tip in life. Do what you like, do it with your best scale and do it well and good things will happen.

george grombacher 20:49
Pierre Leveille 21:03
Thank you. I was happy to be with you to today.

george grombacher 21:06
Damn, tell us the websites and where where people can connect and find you.

Pierre Leveille 21:13
The it’s Deep South resources.com. So pretty simple.

george grombacher 21:18
Perfect. Well, if you enjoyed this as much as I did show up here your appreciation and share today’s show with a friend who also appreciate good ideas, go to deep south resources, calm and learn all about what they’re working on and track their progress.

Pierre Leveille 21:32
Thanks. Thanks, have a nice day.

george grombacher 21:36
And until next time, keep fighting the good fight. We’re all in this together.