We are attracted to those who have confidence in their energy or aura. We naturally follow someone who is confident in their message, because it fills us with hope that we can do it too. Do you agree?
Many people are looking for someone to show them how to think, feel and act. It relieves them of the responsibility if they should mess up, “Well, they told me to.”
Being a leader, though you borrow ideas and principles from others (we are all connected after all), you trust your own inner compass at the end of the day. This grounded confidence in yourself translates to others having confidence in you. Without confidence in yourself, others will feel it, and you won’t be able to lead them effectively.
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Compassion is the ability to see beyond the suffering narrative that many of us will repeatedly tell to anyone who will listen. Self-pity dictates you’ll feel sorry for others. Not so with compassion. A leader with compassion for others will not accept their excuses. They will listen intently and then ask for a plan.
Compassion is tough love with kindness. It’s understanding that we all have self-sabotaging parts and Sage parts, and choosing to heed the advice of the Sage. Compassion is setting boundaries with others because you LOVE them enough to see beyond their story of suffering and excuses.
So how do you motivate yourself to gracefully take actions that lead to your heartfelt goals and pump you up with confidence? When you force yourself to work, that is not sustainable, nor does it feel good.
If there is something you want but you’re not taking actions that align with that desire, then there is a conflicting subconscious desire.
For example, if you want to grow your business or get promoted at work, but you’re not taking the necessary actions to call on people, post on social media, form the collaborative relationships needed to get ahead, etc., then your subconscious mind is giving you feedback that something doesn’t feel safe about your proposed desire or goal.
Action Step: Sit down in a quiet space and ask yourself these questions. Write down your answers to get clarity. They will help you identify the block(s) to your success.
Once you’ve done the inquiry exercise in step 1, now tap using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) to begin to clear out the feeling of unsafety from your body. This will help you align your conscious desire with your subconscious belief.
Case Study: Jan wants to get promoted, but she keeps getting passed up for promotions by people who aren’t nearly as smart or qualified. It’s been infuriating to her. After doing the above writing exercise, she realized that if she got this sales executive position, she’d need to overcome her fear of conflict, which she’d have more potential for when supervising several people.
Part of her didn’t feel ready for this extra responsibility. It was easier to complain about her situation than to admit her fear.
Action Step: Tap using EFT to loosen the belief that is keeping you stuck in your situation. In this case, Jan believes she can’t handle the new role. See here for how to tap and the example below for Jan’s situation. She would use the following setup statement:
Then tap through the various points using phrases such as the below. Feel free to repeat the same phrase at each point until you feel like this block is no longer a problem.
Once you clear your own barriers to success and begin taking confident, decisive action towards your goals and dreams, you begin to feel good about yourself. You believe in your lovability and capability. This is a big deal, as it instills you with a recipe for compassion. Doesn’t it?
Think about your own experience in life. When you feel confident and proud of yourself, isn’t it much easier to be kind to others?
Further, to develop compassion, you need to have “gone through the fire,” to have experienced some of life yourself. When you struggle to become better by making mistakes and growing and learning, you develop humility. You are more malleable, softer.
You let down the rigid expectations and entitlement. You know life is challenging and that others are going through the same struggles. Hence, you develop your compassion muscle.
This allows you to be a wonderful leader because your heart is open. You don’t feel sorry for others; instead, you feel camaraderie and connection, a deep respect for what they may be going through. And you believe they are capable of doing hard things, just like you.
Action: This is more a self-inquiry than anything since you may not be at this stage in your leadership. Get curious and ask yourself (post it on a 3X5 card to remind you or put as a reminder on your phone), “How can I be more compassionate towards myself and others?”
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